Kaleidoscope

My theme for this week.   Kaleidoscope: an optical device that uses mirrors and objects to create a variety of colorful patterns.  I love them, but they give me a stiff neck.  Even worse, now that reading glasses are required to see the preciseness of the patterns, it’s no longer intimate.

Murphy’s Law did not apply this week, because nothing went wrong, it all went right but seemed to happen in reverse and created patterns unexpected.  There was even a blur around all the edges of events.

The main event  is – the demise of my Treasurer duties for RCRW.   This was my fourth year as Treasurer during the six I’ve been with the group.  I volunteered for the first three.  I was only maintaining the position this year, while an amazing lady recovered.  Except, she died.  Today, I turned the Treasurer duties over to a woman I barely knew, until we chatted for two hours during lunch.  It was fun to recall the changes to our RWA chapter since I attended the first meeting in Jan of 2003, and Deb Stover was the signing author.   As happens, when two women/writers chat, we found common bonds, while sharing delights and dramas within our own lives, that mirrored, but were poles apart.

A minor event today, was mailing our chapter newsletter for the last time, after doing it for three years.  We’re going electronic.  I hope I like it.

What I consider the optical device for this week, was completing the draft, of the second half, of my screenplay.  Learning this visual language of story, and the formatting rules, is a huge benefit to how I see the patterns of story.  I finished my draft at 11:40 pm on Tuesday, it is – acceptable – for a first draft.  I knew my Grandma time would prevent any improvements, so printed off the 13 copies to distribute at class on Thursday.  Except class was canceled.  Teacher’s daughter was sick.  One of our daughters arrived, early that day, at our house, because she was, sick.  I am not going to revise and reprint, it’s done.

I always said, writing books will be my retirement career.  Yesterday, a friend announced her imminent retirement, so she could focus, on her new career.   We’re both planning to be very busy, the antonym of retiring.  I think the difference is, we know it’s work but, it’s also our passion.  I’ve planned to change the patterns in my days, for so many years, it’s fun to see the changes are here, and nothing like I planned!

Life is like the Kaleidoscope, it only takes a tiny twist, and everything changes, into a new pattern of colors.

sex on the screen

I’ve stumbled across what might be the secret to why there is so much sex on TV and in movies.  The author is not responsible for it.  Screenwriters set the stage, mood, then insert the text “sex scene here”.  This leaves the choreography to the director, and the emotional element to the actors.  LOL!  I don’t know if that’s true for real screenwriters, but that’s all I can do for my screenplay, as a college student.

In romance novels there are – sex scenes.  Inspirational romances have scenes of highly charged sexual tension, even if there isn’t a touch of lips.  The basic premise of a romance novel is – passion transforms – with the physical example often being – sex.  Since most of us know how that’s done, physically, the dedicated romance novelists I know will focus on the emotional change, of character growth, during the physical intimacy pages.

My friend Jessa Slade stated in her Feb 9th blog post, Romance Writers do it for Love: “what I want from my sex scenes. The potential for trouble. I want to know that this scene is important – just like all the rest of the story.  That clues and pitfalls and moments of truth are hidden in the otherwise eons-old insertion of tab into slot.”

Crafting a compelling sex scene with words is tough work.  We want passion, and transformation, so are offended by sex, inserted in story, to display hard bodies.  Romance novels have gotten a lot of flack over the life of the genre, usually from people who’ve read only a few, because of the porn on the page.  But that’s not the backbone of a romance novel (unless it’s an erotic one) and the sex scenes may be, at most, 20-30 pages of a 300 page story.

That 1/10th, or less, of the novel has to mesh with, and enhance, the overall story, the character arc, and be believable in time and space.   I quickly scan sex scenes in novels (they aren’t only in romances) because the words don’t do the job they should.   I usually smirk at sex on the screen, because it’s attempting to show physical passion, but misses the mark on intimacy, and seldom has significant impact, on the overall story.

When writing romance, I put the most effort into the scenes of passionately charged verbal exchanges, that generate clothes floating to the floor, then I quietly close the bedroom door.   I’m more comfortable with my characters embracing physical intimacy in private.  I feel my characters enjoy the moment more on their own, than if I try to insert philosophical discourse, between kisses.

All this means is that I have been granted a gift, in this screenwriting class.  I can delete a 2 1/2 page romantic tryst into: EXT.  MOONLIT BEACH.  NIGHT.      The moon is full, the breeze light and cool.  Mark and Stacey enjoy passionate kisses in a romantic embrace, including partial nudity.   FADE OUT

synchronicity

I’m enjoying this world of blog.  I can see how many times my blog is viewed and enjoy the mystery of who it might have been.  Other times I have someone post a comment, one was an accountant from London.  How cool is that?  I’m global now. 

Yesterday, Rob MacGregor posted a question, that needed an answer.  It led to an exchange of emails and a fun new connection.  So I put the story together and now it’s posted on their blog, SYNCHRONICITY, check it out.  There’s a bunch of cool stuff and links on this site.  I can’t wait to get to a book store and check out their books.  But I have to stay on task this week, and get my screenplay done for class on Thursday.   On Friday I complete my final duty as Treasurer for Rose City Romance Writers.

The second half of my screenplay is going much better than the first half.   The experience has been enlightening but I am not thrilled with the restrictions of making everything visual, non-stop action, and no opportunity to delve deeply into my characters psyche and emotions.

I returned to college for the learning experience about my writing process.   It’s been awesome.  Unfortunately, this Grandma, has issues with grammar that need attention.

exercise

I enjoy synchronicity, it makes me feel connected to the energy of life, beyond my schedule.  Synchronicity offered a change of events, on Monday.   I didn’t do grandma duties.   Instead, my grandson and his daddy bonded with no distractions.

When offered grandma duties on Tuesday, I said sure.  What I didn’t realize, was that I would be doing three days straight of non-stop exercise, with my four-month-old grandson.  Bend, lift, stretch, squat, repeat.  Wow.  Every muscle and joint in my body feels worn out, old, wimpy.  Not good.  I thought I was in better shape.

This means, today, I have to be careful while working on my screenplay.  When I get too into the zone, I start to stiffen and cramp.   My daddy said, “Getting old is not for the weak and feeble.”  He meant, it takes a lot of work, and conscious attention, to age well and keep active.

I now know my limits.  Two days in a row is my grandma limit. Synchronicity surprises us, but we learn something too.  This past month, I learned having baby time makes me feel younger, energetically.  But this week I realized, I’m physically older, so need to pamper me, in my body today.

The World’s a Stage

Living life has been described in a variety of ways, like,  “We’re all just actors on a stage” – or – “Welcome to Spaceship Earth”.  Fate and Karma are tossed into conversations and followed by shrugs.  There are specific secrets to living the life of your dreams and every year or two someone shares theirs with a big splash.  It’s big business to figure out the meaning of life.

Marc Acito, an author/friend has explained on NPR’s All Things Considered, The World of Opera.  Marc is a humorist with professional experience in Opera and Theater so he knows what he’s talking about.  He and I also share connections with New Jersey, ’80′s hairstyles and Musical Theater.   After finding his first book,  HOW I PAID FOR COLLEGE, so entertaining, I was thrilled by his second book,  ATTACK OF THE THEATER PEOPLE.  Seriously, in the world of fiction, there are many authors who are one-book-wonders, and crash and burn soon after.

With luck, the world of publishing will not implode and someday I’ll be reading Marc’s third book, THE JAZZ HANDS OF GOD.    He’s also written a play HOLIDAZED, that was performed to rave reviews by the Artists Repertory Theater in Portland.  During 2008, Marc vowed to do something new every day and blog about it, to be accountable.  I believe that daily blog will be a motivational book someday.

What is Marc’s answer to living the life of your dreams?  Laughter, music, friends, family and embracing all the fun of life.

I agree.

wanna be movies

I attended an awesome workshop this Saturday on Body Language: Its more than a gaze, presented by Cassiel Knight, a friend and former critique partner.   Cassiel gave me  Writing Memoir by Judith Barrington, three years ago, when I knew it was time to do so, but wasn’t sure how.  I won,  The Power of Body Language by Tonya Reiman, at the end of Cassiel’s workshop.  This book is a fascinating and a wonderful tool, for a novelist, who wants her characters to show emotion on the page, and not tag dialogue with- he said angrily…  LOL!

Research is a huge part of a writer’s job and it’s a blessing we’re voracious readers with insatiable curiosity.  But I, also, have the requirements of my screenwriting class.  I still have 19 scenes to get into 45 pages, to finish my script, which means each scene can only be 2 pages – not going to happen – so, first I have to decide which  scenes matter, and cut the rest.

I also have to read, and reflect on, the scripts written by my classmates.  This is tough for me.  I’ve been critiquing professional writers manuscripts for a few years, judging contestant submissions in writing contests, and now am on the editorial staff for a literary review.   I’ve been fascinated how, our screenwriting teacher Sue Mach, works through our screenplays.  Most of my fellow classmates are passionate about their stories and, imagining careers in the movie business.   As I reflect on the scripts, I wonder how much to say, regarding the responsibility to story, and the need to connect to an audience.  I don’t want to talk over their heads or stifle their passion for the craft.  But it’s obvious to me, why the story dies.

Movies are visual story so it is even more important that the characters, no matter what species,  show emotion through word and body language, why the story they are living, matters to them.  If the characters within the story don’t care if they live or die, why should I?

Bullets flying, a chase, countdown, accident, or explosion don’t interest me unless I connect with, or care about, someone in jeopardy.  I’d rather watch a Walmart employee looking for love in all the wrong places.  A soldier, glances at a picture of his nephews, and sighs, before choosing a mission; this grabs my heart and I’ll care if he stubs his toe, and forgive the body count he leaves in his wake (sort of).   Characters without passion keep showing up in movies, so the shocks and surprises have gotten bigger, giving the audience a reason to sit still.

But when we walk out of the theatre, you can tell by the smirks or furrowed brows, we wonder why the movie was made.

Romance

Valentine’s Day flavored today’s meeting of Rose City Romance Writers with chocolates, treats and laughter.   I’ve been a member for six years, and held at least one volunteer position every year.  I love being part of the team, working forward on projects that are dear to our passion.  Today was the election of the new board and the end of my volunteering – for at least a few years.

Life throws us curves, to our goals, especially if those goals aren’t really clear.  My goal was “writing romances will be my retirement career”.  I should have stated that goal as:  “My career is producing novels, that line bookstore shelves, and readers adore.”  The energy of words used in our goals will help us achieve them, so, I’ve achieved the – writing romances goal.

Another intent was, I would write the love story of my parents marriage.  I expected this would be in novel form, sometime after I had a readership for my romances.  I assumed my parents story would be all about them, and sort of, the final book of my career, prior to death, a legacy to my children or something.  I vowed – I’d write it after my girls were grown and my parents gone.  I had no idea how fast that would happen, or how young I would be.  But suddenly I was there. The story of my parents and childhood is inspirational, and I have other stories to share, with this new voice in memoir.  I’m sure I’ll be part of a new team, with this real-life story.

I know the power of story, and adore creating fiction.  I’m sure my themes will overlap between non-fiction and fiction, some readers will enjoy both styles of my writing.  Only when my books are in readers hands, will I know.  That’s my goal.  My books, to be available in print, e-book and audio.  My focus is connecting with readers, the format is up to them.

It was with a touch of nostalgia, I watched my old life of volunteering, begin its final weeks.  The future being written,  my books on bookstore shelves, is fun to imagine.

Week 4

From the day I uttered the words, I was a little unsure about the grandma commitment.  The first year, 3 days a week, was my offer.

I knew it was a good choice.  I had this vision of a baby in my office, head popping up after a nap, and it gave me a good feeling.   My trepidation was because I had little time to call my own this past year.  Almost all my energy was spent on the objectives of others, including deadlines for my classes.

2008 was a whirlwind year and reminded me of the 1990′s when I had four girls in school, a full time job, volunteered at the church and still had time to write romances.  This past decade has given me gray hair, a need for glasses, and a tummy paunch.

It’s week 4 and Keirnan will be 4 months old on Saturday.  He naps for hours in the afternoon and I now recognize the difference in his cry of hungry, wet diaper, tired.  He’s a happy, active, little angel.  He’s giving me the external routine I instinctively knew I needed, to balance my time and energy.

While he naps, I write.  When he’s up, I play.  It’s early yet, but I feel like I’m tapping energetic memories of 20+ years ago, and it makes me feel younger.  If I’d known then, what I know now, I would live the exact same life, to get me to now.  Which is pretty damn awesome.

I even worked on my screenplay today.

flux

Today’s theme is flux.  I’m going to blame it on yesterday’s full moon.  I also have a touch of the rhino virus.  The body is wimpy, the mind is wacky.  I’ve got two big projects hanging over my head:  1. the second half of my screenplay for class;  2. the annual financial report and turnover preparation of the treasurer duties for my writers group.   I thought about both projects, didn’t do either.

While waiting to meet with our tax accountant this morning, I wandered through some favorite sites that promote thinking outside of the 4th dimension of time.  A few of these sites are Kryon, The Aquarius Papers, Allison DuBois, and The World Puja Network.  As a result, I didn’t feel very grounded when I had to focus on taxes.  It didn’t help that the accountant stated he’s mainly dealing with clients bankruptcies.

Determined to focus on the business of writing, after lunch, I researched a few agents to query then wandered through the Uncial Press website.  I’m intrigued with this world of e-publishing, and Judith Glad is a friend of mine.  I haven’t had time to learn this world, but hope to soon.  Jude and I also share a ‘treasurer’ connection, a slightly uncommon talent for creative writers.

Then I checked my Facebook, and wandered through some of my friends blogs until dinner.  TV time was American Idol – mindless entertainment but most of the contestants now, can sing.  So, I began today contemplating;  “Way of the Buddha” versus the “Way of the Bodhisattva”; and wound down, watching wanna-be Hollywood stars.

It’s a good thing I’ll be doing Grandma duties these next two days.

Conflict and drama

In my early days of writing romance novels, editors gently returned my manuscripts, with encouragement about my writing, but my stories lacked conflict and drama.  Eventually I figured out writing was a craft and it was time to learn it.   Finally, a few manuscripts later, an editor loved the story but couldn’t publish it in her line because – the story hero was not the romantic hero.

My career writing genre romances didn’t take off then, because conflict and drama exploded in my life.  Eventually our family lived through the big-black moment, transformed, and finally got to a brighter tomorrow.  I had time and energy to write books again.  I wondered how to get what I’d learned about conflict and drama into my stories.  I began learning the craft of narrative non-fiction.  Then life happened – again.  I returned to writing romances – life happened again – I learned to write memoir.

This example is because each conflict was a bit bigger, and lasted a little longer than the one before.  Life events through one year, imploded and created drama that impacted the next two years, until a new balance was reached.  A few years of stability then events built through two years of conflict, and created dramatic impact through the next four.  Each change brought new beginnings, different challenges and clearer priorities.  There were times when the conflicts were too huge to face, the drama swamped the emotions.  Fear was front and center.

Many are in that place now.  Financial and emotional conflicts are very real, and impacting people everywhere.

I got through many days, focusing on what I could control, like bathing.  As the days dragged, I had plenty of time to learn to meditate.  There wasn’t anything else to do.  It brought me peace, clarified my prayers, balanced my priorities, ended my sensation of isolation.

To all reading this, please nurture your spirit and share love and compassion with everyone you meet.  Do not avoid others because of fear their disaster, or pain, may be contagious, it is not.   They need your gentle hug, willing ear, an added prayer.  From my life I know, tough lessons make us stronger, wiser, even if it takes a few years to survive the lesson.  We can only be the hero of our own story, but with love we can be romantic heroes for many others.

Details

Today, Portland, OR was beautiful, 60, sunny, no wind.   This is a bit rare for early February.  We grew up in the snow belt off the Great Lakes, then lived with Nor’easters until 11 years ago, when Ed and I moved our family here.  Warm and sunny enough to wash the car, on Feb 7th, in those other climates?   Not!  But that’s what I did, washed my car.

Then I had to go out for a walk, and look around at the tips of growth poking through the dirt, and kept reminding myself – today’s Feb 7th.   Fortunately it is February, and the days are short, so I did get into the required chore for today – taxes.  Yuck.  Hate it even though we have a good accountant who makes it really easy.  I sort through stacks of statements, tabulate too many numbers, and stress over where to put that sum.  And it’s only in pencil, on the worksheets from the accountant.  They do the official stuff.

I had issues with my website but finally cleaned that up and checked all the links.  Some chores got done, dinner enjoyed, and finally I got to dance around some websites.  I learned Writing Books can Make you Fat;  checked out a new artist, and met some interesting people.

I’m still thinking about the pink-slip-party concept, because I was one of these a few years ago, and there was no support network.  The isolation was huge.  But I returned to writing fiction, nurtured my self-worth, and it would be nice to say, the rest is history.  Except I was working on taxes, and my “writing business” spent less than last year but is still — on the income side.

It’s only year two, and a friend assured me three years of dedicated focus is what it takes.   My focus has been disrupted this year, but it was all good, as I said in my annual family newsletter.

Positive Energy

The phone rings and a daughter asks, “Can we come over for Mom’s cooking?”  This can be a challenge now that I’ve been learning this buying/cooking for two lifestyle.  For most of the past 40 years, (I was 9 when I started cooking family dinners) meals were for at least 4, usually 6, or more.   The call came about an hour before dinner and I was able to add volume to the side dishes.

Two 19 year old girls, my daughter and a friend visiting from CA, came in the door with pies and an hour and a half of vibrant energy.  They have school & work issues, money concerns, car problems.  These were related without worries, shrugs of – it just is – and then conversations shifted to future plans, goals, careers, business ideas.    These girls do not listen to the talking heads plastering disaster across the airwaves.

Maybe my family is sitting in a blessed space during today’s economic crisis because events that began in June 2001 hit us so hard, personally, and on many levels, and continued, and didn’t begin to lighten, until the end of 2006.   Our laundry list of life traumas, through those 5 years, was hell.   The sense of hope and contentment we have now is nice.

What stood out the most to me tonight, after the girls gathered the remains of pie to share with friends, gave hugs and blew back into their adventures, was their appreciation for what will be their future.  Having shady business practices exposed now means, in a few years, they can start a businesses with more trust about the process.   They have a confidence about being able to create their own destiny that’s awesome!

Gloom and doom sayers will remark these girls aren’t tapped into reality.  Or they’re too young to understand the size of the debts their generation will carry.  To that I can say, they both have personal friends that have been deployed to war.  They’ve attended friends funerals, watched cancer treatment up close and personal, seen others implode with drugs.  When I compare my life experiences at their age, to the lessons they’ve faced, I am in awe at their positive energy.   I’m also damn proud to have played a part in who they will become.

And I’m a good cook too.

Ch-Ch-Changes

We’ve all noticed a few changes in the news, the world, and our relationship to money.

It is now politically correct to label Americans with a hyphen to designate their race.  Or to add a lifestyle preference before a title, eg. “gay mayor”.   I hope this soon changes, to us all being People with names, because the labels are ridiculous.

I’m an Irish-American Women.  I’ve chosen the lifestyle of wife, mother.  I’ve worked with a variety of professional titles.  I’ve changed jobs, careers.  I’ve moved homes, 7 times.  I’ve promoted changes in my daughters lives as they graduated various schools.  I’ve seen them chose lifestyles as wife, mother.  They’ve all worked with titles, some chosen, some assigned.  Change happens, and promotes growth while living the journey of life.

I’ve been accused of being too practical and optimistic, even when times are tough.  I’ve been told my willingness to embrace change is out of character for a Taurus woman.  However, my ability to adapt to changes, is also because I’m a Taurus woman.   Now I think it would be great, if we’re going to start labeling people, we instead use their astrological sign.   President Obama would no longer be known as an African-American but as a Leo.  Portland, OR would have Virgo Mayor Sam Adams.  This would also benefit our conversations.  Instead of discussing the economy we could all return to the days of, “What’s your sign?”

The Sun Sign, of our birth, is diluted by a dozen pesky planets and notable calculations.  Years ago, when my sister Sherri first started studying astrology, she found the key to why I am who I am.  It has something to do with (say this out loud-slowly) the orb of my natal Uranus.  The orb of my natal Uranus is on my ascendant.

What this means is:   I turn and face the change – ch-ch-changes.  I feel it helps and I encourage everyone, no matter how tough times may be for you and yours, turn and face the change head on.  It won’t change the orb of your natal Uranus, but it will help you reclaim a sense of personal self.

What books are you reading?

My sister Rose asked me this question yesterday.  It caused a pause – because I didn’t have one book to name at the moment.   I scrambled to redeem myself, what writer would dare admit to not reading!  Well, I was working on my screenplay last week for class, and I’ve been catching up on a stack of magazines…

I’m also a student editor for the 2009 CLR, and have been reading submissions.   I’ve been reading all kinds of stuff on the web, book excerpts, blogs, etc.   Which is reading for the “business” of writing, not reading, there is a difference. Rose knows this difference since she’s a poet, and teaches Shakespeare and more to High School seniors, and reads tons for her job.

Rose always has a “book” that she’s reading and a list of those she intends to read soon.  Every time we talk, Rose and I talk about the books we’re reading, for story.   We discuss the author voice, style, and more, though we seldom read the same book.  It was a one sided conversation this time.  When I hung up the phone I was still stumped, had I read a book this month?  Fortunately I remembered, yes!  It helps when your friends are authors.

Mistress of Pleasure by Delilah Marvelle – a wickedly, sexy historical romance.  This is her debut novel, she kept true to her passion through many years and tons of rejections and now – finally.  Her second book is due out in August.  It’s a great story but when I read it, I wasn’t in the mindset of reading a book.  It was the mindset of savoring the experience of my friends’ debut novel.  There is a huge difference.

Now I’m going to unplug and read a book, for the pleasure of curling up with a story.

Feel free to post books you’re reading – or – tell me why you loved a book you recently read.

Mom’s birthday

We had a party to celebrate, my sister Sherri’s birthday, last night.  Great food, awesome friends, good wine and some Karaoke time.

Today is Mom’s birthday.  It doesn’t matter that she wasn’t physically here for the party.  A mom, is a mom, is a mom.  Mine was a bit unique, and I am – odd.  As Sherri says, I have no desire to be – even.  Our mom is/was awesome, and her story, and my dad’s, is still too cool for words.  Which is why, I’m still spreading the joy.

Mercury has turned direct, the moon is in its Cheshire stage, (Alice in Wonderland),  The Superbowl is about to be played and Groundhogs day, on its way.  These cycles, annual events, are such a thrill!   Soul energy – celebrating.  Cellular memory- adding another layer.  And a dad, is a dad, is a dad.

I’ll get out of whatever dimension I go to – sometimes – as a writer…

Mom’s birthday dinner was Spaghetti with mini meatballs.    Big meatballs are odd to me.  We always had pie for Mom’s birthday dessert, usually apple, sometime it was lemon meringue.   This is the dinner menu we had on Feb 1st, 2006 after Mom entered heaven/went home/joined the angels/passed over – how many other ways are there to say – she died!  It’s was the most dignified passing the nursing home staff had ever seen.

That first family dinner to celebrate Mom’s new soul journey, on her birthday, happened by surprise.  A phone call from my oldest daughter early in the day saying, “It’s Grandma’s birthday, we should do something.”   A few more phone calls, and a few hours later, my family was there, eating Grandma’s meal of choice.  Then for dessert, we had both types of pie!

I love thinking about our soul journey, that it’s never ending, not limited to being human.  I like the possibility of reincarnation as a choice, when we have a greater connection and understanding, within the limitless Love of God.  I’m confident that if Mom really wants to learn to swim, God would say – sure!  You want a new human experience, go for it.

Mom’s energy is often felt in my home and life as I look at her photo, the pictures she painted, and remember the foods she enjoyed.  I see my mom’s reflection in my daughters sometimes.  I hold my grandson and know how Mom savored the feel of a baby against her cheek.  I’ll have to watch the event of Puxatawny Phil tomorrow, because Mom always did.