I survived and thrived

I finished my last holiday retail shift last night.  My husband is still in a state of shock over the time and energy I’ve invested for minimum wage, and the hours I’ve kept  with midnight shifts!.  But I’ve enjoyed the experience and plan to continue to learn more about this wild world of retail. 

I know that my wage is not my value.   I’m also blessed to not need “my wage” to pay for my lifestyle though I want it to fund my writing business.   I was concerned that my body was not up to the task of the job I gave it.   But while physically tired, a bit sore in my feet and stiff in my joints, I did the job with flare and had fun.

I sort of feel like I was a “Dancing with the Stars” contestant where I chose to put my body and time on the line to compete and while I didn’t win the mirror ball trophy, I did make it to the finals.   I’ve pushed myself past physical boundaries and totally disrupted my routines.  I’ve had to be efficient about my diet and energy, what I do and how I do it.  What I set aside.  I am so not into stress and the Christmas Cards are now ready to be mailed…

However, our girls are thrilled I called them to Macy’s for a shopping spree with a dollar limit.  We’ve handed out cash for years but this year I figured out that dollar limit and my discounts and let them pick their own stuff.  I’ve now wrapped what they chose and tucked it under our decorated tree and I feel like Santa Claus.

This past week I also found myself waking up from sound and refreshing sleep, brimming with ideas and a burning desire to write stories, and happy to go to work.   Of the two, I can attest that working retail at the holidays is lots easier than writing stories.

I also totaled up the receipts and am highly amused at the details.  I saved $200 from coupons, with a total savings that exceeds the cash spent even before my employee discount.   But what’s even more important is that a numbers person like me (with strong accounting skills) can see the cost of an awesome annual gift exchange is no more than what is spent monthly on things that are of no interest to me.

The difference is – this annual gift exchange tradition is infused with the spirit of generosity and enhanced with hospitality.

Generosity and hospitality are totally my things!

it could be your last

This isn’t a reminder that funerals seem to increase or become more potent during December, but that life is always in flux and there are a lot of days to live before the next holiday season and New Year.  Stuff happens in the spring that can totally transform our lives by the fall.  Many times I faced the holiday season with expectations for creating the same flavor of celebration even though everything was different than any prior holiday.

Changes are wrought with what transpires through the year.  This includes but is not limited to babies, graduations, new or lost jobs, moves, traumas, accidents, weddings, illness, and new goals.  I’ve heard stories of others who dread the holidays because of the required gatherings of multiple generations of their family and having to face the same old questions.

Too many people seem to feel like failures at the holidays when asked if goals others think are important were achieved.  And the answer is no, because the expectations of our ancestors has little merit to our current intent.  People with lives, careers, and relationships, who are happy and motivated with their personal goals and desires, and are professionally successful and fulfilled with friends, will crumble into a wounded child when Great-Aunt Edna stares them down and asks, “Are you married yet?  Are you pregnant yet?”  What’s up with that?

Where is it written that we have to impress our worst critic?

Here’s my advice.  Gently caress those old and wrinkled cheeks and look Great-Aunt Edna in the eyes.  (Don’t pinch her cheeks and smack her upside the head like she did when you were young!)  Look her in the eye and smile your secret happy smile for a full ten seconds.  Then very quietly and gently inform her, “No, my dear Edna, instead I’m living a life you would have loved.”

And if Great-Aunt Edna was a life-long thorn in your side, you have my permission to add the following statement.  “I really want to thank you for being such a perfect example of who I didn’t want to become.”

Make last-years holiday season the last time anyone made you miserable.  Old patterns need to change for the fresh wind of happiness, even if Great Aunt Edna has been only a memory for a decade.

It’s never too late to thank our ancestors for their influence in our lives, it can always be that last year was the last time it made an impact.  This time, this year, is always full of the potential for being the first time you are happy with you.

For Writers

There were some fun posts today to share for writers, or those who know one.  Jessica shared that at Health.com artists, entertainers, and writers are in the top 10 worst careers for depression.   Fortunately, Larry Brooks shares a dirty secret to put your story on steroids.  Trust me, this is great advice and I dedicated two quarters of my recent college experience to these techniques.

The practical business side of writing was also represented in the blogs I follow today.  At Pimp My Novel – Eric explains the basics of BISAC.

The good news is, my retail experience at Macy’s has been a double plus.  To counter our potential bi-polar and depression tendencies a writer needs to socialize, people watch, get a steady paycheck, and exercise to avoid that spreading butt.  My butt is firming up nicely. 

Plus two is:  I’m also absorbing the basics of retail and this is huge because – no matter how many years or how much angst and blood I put into a book I create – when it is published my books will be retail products.

What I’ve learned in recent years chatting with many published friends is – a writer needs to master the craft first, understand the business second, and bring it into balance.   However that will look for each story.

Holiday energy

The day began with a wake-up phone call from my husband who is visiting his parents in Ohio.  He was calling his mom to update her on his schedule for the day and he was confused why I didn’t sound like his mom.  He called the “home” number programmed in his phone, which rang in Oregon at 8am instead of the home he hasn’t lived in for 30 years. 

But it’s all good, my sleep schedule is off because of my new job and I needed the wake-up to get ready for a holiday party with my Romance Writers group.    I had prepped a special treat to take and needed to assemble and bake it, which became a comedy of errors and issues so it didn’t look good but tasted great and was the first empty plate on the table.

At the party, Kristina shared her relief that her deadline for her next book was extended and she could now rest and enjoy the holidays.  She had posted on FaceBook, earlier this month, the wrong ages for her little boys because she was tired from focusing on writing her second book.  I’d teased her about blinking and realizing she was suddenly mother-of-the-groom.

I mentioned that my horoscope for today was about that balance between the personal and professional aspects of life.

“…  Do you need to give them equal attention in your life? …[perfect balance is futile.] You have to put your life in order of your priorities. Separate your personal life from your career, and spend more time with the people you love. If you create an imbalance, it’s for all the right reasons.”

But I am no longer a young mother and all the people I love are actively involved in their careers, relationships, passions, and many even live in different states.  So while this horoscope advice may be good for some Taurus women, for me it is silly not to have an imbalance where the professional focus is greater.

I feel that blending my personal and professional energy works better because both require a different flavor of skills.  Problems arise when there is an imbalance between gratitude and gripes, demands and decorations.   These change while on the journey of living life through many decades.  The dynamics of who you call “mom” can change too. 

Yesterday I decorated my home for the holidays and the space is ready for when Ed returns and we get a Christmas tree even though I wonder if there will be any presents under it on Christmas Eve to be opened on Christmas morning.  There are no stockings for Santa to fill and I no longer set out cookies and milk.

After the holiday party today I was at the mall, not to work or shop but to meet my youngest for an early dinner and pick up the Macy’s Santa letters.  This is my 3rd year as the Make-A-Wish volunteer who gets to handle the energy of wishes sent to Santa that benefits the children eligible for a granted wish.  While I don’t read these Santa letters, or really do anything more than count them, I love touching the energy of wishes and the attached belief in generosity and magic.

In my life, that’s the energy that has always stayed the same.  No matter how things change, or age.  Generosity and magic, gratitude and decorations, have always been well balanced in my life.

Celebrate your belief.

 

advice and good shoes

My new job in the world of retail is awesome.  In just two shifts this week I had a troupe of three little ol’ ladies try to scam me into changing prices, a very elegant gentleman attempt a cash return while refusing to adhere to company policy and identify himself in any way, and while taking a break I walked out the door behind a sheriff guiding a young man in handcuffs.

This is fascinating stuff for a writer (me!) who has had manuscripts returned because the characters are all too nice.  It’s highly important for me to walk on the dark side, but these experiences did not override my primary focus in this new stage of my life for good shoes.  To work in retail it really is all about the feet. 

However!  Last evening I was eating in the break room while listening to an older woman advise a younger on the value of relationships.  The advice was on how much to get from the man in comparison to how much the woman should give.  The example was a pretty gold toned watch on the older woman’s elegant wrist when all she did was meet the man for dinner and give him a hug.  Basically the advice was, if you don’t get a watch from a man for a hug, as a women you’re giving too much.  This concept stuns me way more than the petty theft stuff.

The adviser left and the young girl was happy to share her woes with me as I kept my mouth full to keep quiet so I could listen and learn.  The young woman did have a pretty ring from her ex-boyfriend and she was still paying his cell phone bill even though he dumped her months ago for another woman.

Of course the story is a lot more complicated than that, as most are, and I did nothing more than agree with some things, and gently disagree (with examples) at other ideas.  But I did not advise her in any way.  I do have two really beautiful rings as gifts from the man I’ve been married to for 30 years, but I was wearing neither since I’ve had knuckle issues so couldn’t show them as examples.

Later, I was completing a sale for an elegant woman who revealed her purchase was a gift to herself as a reminder of what she knows about men, but she forgot recently.  Her new relationship had gone sour, and her last one ended in March – with a death.  And in that momentary connection as I finished the transaction I blurted out than my friend is also a widow and while it’s five years now – she’ll be the director at the new beauty school opening across the parking lot next month.

I could tell that she was surprised she’d blurted out her trauma and I was surprised I felt compelled to respond with advice, by example, to enhance her career options.  It was a stellar moment though only lasted 30 seconds.  In a novel, this is what’s called the inciting incident.

This is the beginning of a story.

Rampant narcissism, scams and arrests, don’t inspire me.   But a recent widow who suddenly decides to become – something… A story.  Maybe even a reluctant romance. 

Which means I’m right where I should be for this stage of my life and it’s time to invest in good shoes.

webbit tour

Lots happening in my life seems to be a recurring theme and I’m processing a lot of life/death/new home/new job/holiday/family/ events and responsibilities this month.   So instead of attempting a coherent post it’s better if I do a webbit tour of blogs I like.  It’s been a while!

After my last post, one of the first I read was Seth Godin’s post The World’s Worst Boss.   This is one of the big lessons it’s taken me ten years to learn, to be my own best boss.  I like the synchronicity of his words explaining this concept even if Seth tends to be a bit pithy.

In Mike Perry’s post today about reincarnation studies, I laughed at how the professor of psychology debunks those who had past life experiences as:  “…They tend to be very imaginative, articulate and interesting people.”

That statement alone, from a respected professional, encourages me to not seek out those who are rational, inarticulate and boring.  Mike also has a cool Richard Bach post.  This story about the random antique airplane part where and when it was needed is well known in the world of aviators.

Deb Cooke’s post Radio Silence explains the truth behind the life of a professional novelist.  It’s really boring to talk about writing a book until there is a book and this has been my personal lament for years.  If only I could get the conflict and drama out of my life and into my books I’d have something to talk about! 

In don’t pet me I’m writing, Tawna has a list of five potential gifts for writers.  Hint!  Hint!  Of course I’d rather get the taut fanny over the fancy underpants as a present but writers over 50 take what they can get.

Trish and Rob MacGregor posted about the new TV reality show Gold Rush which we watched because Ed has a lot of connections with the family involved and the Sandy River Airpark.  I wasn’t overly impressed with the show but the Alaska scenery is pretty awesome and there’s no connection to a folksy woman or her tea-party politics.

I could include lots more webbits but I have that LIFE thing going on so instead I’ll just direct you to my sidebar links.

I’m currently reading Paty Jager’s Spirit of the Mountain.

’tis the season

I’ve often had random strangers spill their life stories to me, whether they were next to me on airplanes, or were hotel staff while I was on a trip, or seated beside me at a table during an event, or walking through the same aisle in the grocery store.  I’m a writer so am fascinated by real-people stories, and I’m a good listener.

Now that I’m a participant behind the scenes of this wacky world of retail and on the other side of the counter during the consumer chaos of the holiday season, the stories I’m hearing are numerous!  Humanity is a bubbling cauldron of contradictions and passions, expectations and needs.  It’s fascinating that as people talk to me they are totally confident that I agree with whatever it is they are saying. 

The truth is, I do agree and I do listen to what they say, and what they share is great in my opinion because my opinion isn’t what others seek.   Even when they want my help deciding which purse or coat to buy, or which coupon will get the best deal, it’s not me they see.  I’m not the authority of their choice but only the reflection of a choice they’ve already made as being the right one.

Being a reflection for others is an intriguing concept I’ve contemplated many times in my life.  It fascinates me to be a mirror because I’m neither smooth and shiny, nor reside quietly in the background.  The most important lesson I’ve learned in the past decade of my life is that it can take a decade to learn an important lesson.

The best stories mirror life in moments so we can enjoy decades experiencing life.  And it was my privilege to be the cashier for two women brimming with holiday generosity as they carefully checked their lists twice;  for names, sizes, and colors.  Then they counted the cash remaining in the purse and I got to share the happy dance.

They’d ticked off every item on their “Wish-Lists” and still had four hundred dollars left over for the families they were sponsoring this holiday season.  They were brimming with anticipation for the gift wrapping party as they selected the size and quantity of boxes.

Those two ladies gabbed about how they can look glamorous, instead of being tired and frazzled from hours of shopping.  They also glowed in delight that their Wish-Lists were complete and – they’d got great deals – so what remained of donation dollars was now available so these sponsored families utility bills could also be paid.

Maybe it’s me, but for every gripe I’ve met so far in retail world there are triple the stories of glee at the delight the gift will bring.

The Santa concept is good.