Memories in the making

Our Memorial Day traditions changed three years ago when we attended a barbecue hosted by friends at their family vacation spot. All the men are vets and proud to have served their country because life with their families, and the liberty to make a difference, is why they served.  Their pursuit of happiness revolves around aviation and is how we met. By the time we returned to our home that day, Ed and I were already negotiating the purchase of property to create our own family vacation spot a few lots down the road.

The property was raw and undeveloped. Water, power, and a septic system were installed thirty years prior but it remained vacant. The changes we made were substantial within three months of taking ownership of the land. Now, three years later, it’s got a lush lawn and a huge storage building for the toys of choice for our family. This past weekend, we attended two family pot luck meals with these friends, and brought three young boys to the event. It’s good to introduce a new generation to the benefits of pursuing happiness. Eventually these boys will appreciate the life and liberty concepts.

As a writer, I have studied how to use the power of three to show transformation within a character or along a story arc. Jessa Slade posted a simple 1-2-3 about how the good stories from our memories transform. My only issue with this post is Jessa’s reference to herself as a semi-professional storyteller. She is a Professional Storyteller and her muse is Monster Girl.

I love messages from numbers and for the number 3, I envision a three-legged stool which symbolizes the first stage of being grounded and able to balance. It’s a stable platform and the three legs of the stool represent concepts that all begin with the letter “C”, the 3rd letter in the alphabet. Communication. Creativity. Compassion. Those are the three truths I want on the legs of the stool where I sit, to write.

This weekend the “C” words were camping, cooking, and community. There were lots of memories shared and stories retold amid tons of laughter and good food. Many of my untold memories revealed three years as a time frame between a significant event that generated transformation on some areas of my life. The three years message was important because I am the type who wants to achieve the goal, yesterday.

Memorial Day used to be flavored with reflection on events and generations in our past. But now our family celebrates the new beginning. Our grandsons will not be able to say we personally fought for their freedom within a war machine. Instead they will remember happy adventures with the really cool toys from kayaks to airplanes.

Growing Up Again

Ever since I began working on my memoir, and will soon be going through all the suggested edits, I’ve been on a search for books to be able to say my memoir is like… but it is different because…  I’ve read tons of recommended books but no luck, until last week. Mary Tyler Moore‘s memoir Growing Up Again: Life, Loves and Oh Yeah, Diabetes caught my attention while I was wandering around the library with the hope for an example how to present my story.

I have always admired MTM, she’s funny and a dancer. Plus the title made me laugh because that is exactly what happens when I work on the memoir, like I’m growing up a-gain. (Yes, I’ve gained so much by working on the memoir.) So I read MTM’s memoir with a critical eye for pacing and timing because I’m not sure mine should be in chronological order as recommended, and MTM’s memoir is not, so that’s good.

What’s powerful about MTM’s memoir is how she presents her journey with Type 1 diabetes and the extensive self maintenance required. Wow. I assume other people like me, who don’t have an intimate connection with diabetics, really are as clueless as I was before reading this book. MTM takes the advice to be responsible to your own health and happiness to a whole new level.

Growing Up Again is a good example to use to explain my memoir of my parents and childhood because there is a present and extreme physical condition but both stories are about living life with purpose, joy, and being a benefit to others. But I also felt there was another layer of comparison and I didn’t figure it out until I read Michael Hyatt’s post about protecting your marriage. While I read that post I felt he, and even those who commented, missed the point of “why” to protect your marriage.

For MTM, she trusts her husband to not only help her navigate stairs and parties but to also to save her life if necessary. She then can continue to care for her dogs and be an advocate for all the diabetics in the world who benefit from her work with the JDRF. The loving and supportive romance with her husband is woven through her story and is a big part of her success as a bionic woman.

So that’s how my memoir is the same but different, because I put the journey of my parents romance in the spotlight, as what saved their lives more than once. This is the why of keeping a marriage healthy, to know someone cares enough to save our life so we can live with purpose and joy.

However, I’m currently reading The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan and while my memoir is nothing like it, I really hope I absorb some of her writing style. It’s lovely, and she doesn’t follow a chronological path either. So I am feeling this graduation energy my sister suggested.

Next month my novel will be done and critiqued, my marketing partnership with Morgan will be live, and my daughter’s wedding celebrated. Then I’ll be ready once more to tuck into my memoir armed with so much more that I have gained.

annual review

Annual Review

My astrologer sister reviewed my solar return in honor of my birthday on Friday the 20th. (Trish MacGreggor has a post about the mundane aspects on the 21st. These aspects also apply to my solar return.) According to my sister, my chart has the flavor of graduation. We reviewed my life lessons over lunch and peanut butter pie at the Veritable Quandary.

The Graduation flavor is a completion of being schooled and the new opportunities to test our skills in the world. Graduation marks the transition from student to business professional. How long have I been in this school of mystery and who’s going to hand me a diploma of mastery? Is it a karmic graduation? If so, when did it start? And as stellar and beneficial as the aspects may be, there’s a double dose of Pluto and Saturn in the mix and they are considered ponderous and malefic.

She also feels I’m going to be very busy creating the life of my dreams this year. Doesn’t that sound gentle and rewarding?  We feel it will manifest as if I’m in my kayak but it’s jet propelled.

3 times is the charm

“Pay attention” was the phrase used in my school days, it’s been changed to, “Listen up” and “Get a clue” and lots of other phrases. Polly Campbell posted on how Paying Attention is the Key to Success and it’s a great article and I look forward to her practices for honing awareness.

I pay attention but not for a key or to achieve something so ethereal and individual as success. I pay attention because it’s fun. It makes life rich and vibrant and can help me make choices.

Mike Perry posted how paying attention and the power of three can be a way to make a choice, like hearing three people talk about their vacation in Crete is how he chose to do the same. I use this same method.

I’ll get an idea or gut reaction but not take action. Instead I’ll quietly formulate the idea until it feels good. Then I get on with doing my thing (chores, errands, socializing) until something supports that idea. But I need more than one nudge of encouragement, if I get three, that idea is now on my agenda.

wounds and triggers

I relate everything to story elements now. Each piece of advice or support to friends and family includes an example of how it works in story and character arcs. This has actually made me more interesting because they can understand how the story of their life is mirrored in books and movies.

Our youngest was recently diagnosed with PTSD and is on a new nutrition/supplement regime and also attending counseling. Yesterday, she began sharing her frustration that after three months she’s feeling no improvement. She has realized she had her older sisters on pedestals and is mentally removing them from those perches and seeing herself as an equal. This reminded me of how she was determined to find her own thing, in her teens, that was different from her sisters.

Michael Hauge describes the growth of character from identity essence. The identity protects the inner wound and the essence is when that wound is revealed to be the hidden strength. Today Jessa Slade posted about that wound as well. In both examples the wound goes really deep, all the way back to forgotten childhood incidents. The character really doesn’t remember the first event but knows what more recent events have triggered a feeling of panic and helplessness.

Post trauma triggers in real people are very individual but carry the same theme on an emotional level. So as my youngest talked about the frustration of panic attacks because of traumas six years ago, I reminded her there was a bigger one nine years ago that directly impacted her when she was only 13, and there were big changes in the family dynamics when she was ten. Events regarding our family move to Oregon were also high drama – when she seven. She was aware of something scary going on but doesn’t remember, and that’s usually where the wound hides.

The identity develops to protect that wound and what is remembered are the later events that trigger that wound and seem to be where the issue resides. In relation to the seven-year-old, she’s heard stories about the drama with her teen sister at the time of our family cross-country move. So it’s good that she’s now seeing her older sisters as equals, and they have flaws, too.

I am an advocate for professional counseling but I do think it takes a long time of wading through current issues as adults, during weekly sessions, before potentially recognizing the root cause is a forgotten memory at age seven. So now my daughter can arrive at her next session with the list of names and dates that I remember very clearly. While I can only show family events as potentials for my daughter’s wounds and triggers, it will be a solid framework to discuss how she’s created her identity with friends, and on the professional level, through the years since then.

And like a heroine in a novel, I predict my daughter will soon see the essence of her inner child, and give her a hug to heal the wound.

A pamper me day

Yesterday, I watched Laws of Attraction.  Two divorce lawyers, with opposing views on what their roles are in this nasty end-of-a-marriage career, fall in love. There’s lots of twists, unique characters, and an Irish castle included! Score! Yes, romance is my sport of choice and I’ve always been a Pierce Bronson fan. Ed’s more into football and basketball.

After watching the DVD, I was off to an appointment with my daughter who is a massage therapist. The last time I had a massage was when she was still in school. There’s a big difference between being a client for students and being attended to by a professional. Wow. The massage was awesome, her gift to me.

I went straight from my massage to another daughters home. This one has managed restaurants and catered events.  She hosted a small family dinner, in honor of Mother’s Day and my birthday later this month. I was fascinated to watch the cook in action and the chicken and pork were stuffed with apples, cheese and cornbread. Yum. After dinner there was a lively discussion about the wedding details for next month’s big event. The bride wants a wooded fairyland and the men in kilts. Score!

I’m not one to schedule activities that pamper me. It’s a flaw.  I like to be engaged, involved, even if it is with the stories in my head. I need to be reminded to step back and receive being pampered from others. Otherwise my world view could get distorted. I might forget the romance game is as dynamic as shooting balls through hoops and a happy ending is more fun to me than kicking a pigskin through uprights.

Note to self: Add Irish castle into a future romance plot so onsite research is required.

The Mom Journey

Mother’s Day has always been a strange day for me and I truly mean, always. The “Honor Mom” concept became more strange when I realized I was a mom-to-be-honored.

The example of creating online profiles adds to my amusement because there is a whole list: woman, wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister, job title, volunteer role, etc. This makes Mother’s Day feel like a once a year tribute to my shoulders and hips. Some could argue it’s a tribute to my heart and uterus. Which part of mom are we honoring? The internal or external?

My annual cruise through cards in honor of Mother’s Day was either attacked like a bull in a china shop, slinked into like I was entering a serpents den, or approached with power-suit-on and the determination to face the challenge. I WOULD find The Right Card!!

Since 1983, this took place a few days before Mother’s Day because then I would address and stamp the card, and drop it in the mail box.  I had to find two, one card for Mom, one for Ed’s mom and the cards had to be very different.

I’m all for honoring Moms! It’s an exceptional job and sometimes decades pass before the real value is seen. But it’s really weird to be on the receiving end of honor for a piece of me. Fortunately my girls sort of get that and gift me with treasures like the roses above. My mom painted lots of pictures of roses.

I love being the woman who birthed and helped raise four unique and individual women. Raising a child really does take a village and after I gave birth to them I was just doing my job as best I could. I stumbled around a lot, I made a ton of mistakes. I was always trying to learn to do better as a mom while also being the best me.

And as our girls have become women, they have come to understand my influence as their mom is integrated through my past, my dreams, my skills and also my relationship with their dad. Because that matters a lot. In their childhood, Mom made the home, Dad brought the adventures.

My mom was very aware of the importance of her role to train and encourage her children to become happy and responsible individuals and members of our society. She daily appreciated that she was alive and contributing to our journey through life. It was Dad’s dedication to Mom’s health and happiness that was a primary factor of how Mom influenced our childhood and choices as adults.

So while I do celebrate Mother’s Day it is more because I’m honoring the exceptions of society. Once a year we give tribute to a biological process that gave us life. And next month we’ll honor the other half of that process with our attention on Father’s Day.

all about weddings

My current WIP revolves around a wedding. Our daughter’s wedding is next month. On my recent library trip, I picked up Wedding Date to watch and The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks to read.

The movie is based on a rather flimsy and overdone premise, but is good for the layers of characterization and subtext easily missed. Some critics found it horrid, lots viewers recommend it.  I didn’t get the depth of the actual story until after the movie was over and I continued to think about it. It was highly enjoyable with a stellar cast and I’ll have to watch again before I return it.

I also enjoyed the book especially since I’ve avoided Nicholas Sparks from when I first heard about the movie based on his novel, The Notebook. It came out in theaters in 2004 and my avoidance was because the storyline too closely mirrored personal dramas in my life at that time.

Mr. Sparks came to my attention again last year with his quote, “I don’t write romances.” This raised a ruckus in romancelandia because his primary readership love romances! I was fascinated by the online discussions and decided to read one of his books but to be careful which one I chose since there’s no guarantee it will have the uplifting ending I prefer.

The writing in The Wedding  is very smooth and pleasant to read. The style breaks all the rules of scene structure and pacing promoted in many workshops and how-to books. Instead of punching into a scene, grabbing the reader by the throat for a few spirals and making a quick exit leaving the reader hanging off a cliff, Mr. Sparks rows us out into the middle of the lake and shows us how to fish.

The Wedding is told in 1st person by Wilson, a man in his 50′s, who was so amazingly dull that by page 5 the main question I had was, “how can this character sustain a story of this length?” But it only took a few chapters for this reader to be invested in his journey. My issues with Wilson’s dull self-image may be that Mr. Sparks was born in 1965, and the book was published in 2003, which means he was 37-years-old when writing about the internal self-exploration of a man in his mid-fifties who has been married for 30 years.

Weddings are flavored with stress and a whole lot of events happening in a short period of time. My pause into fictional weddings was to focus on all the delightful details and romance of the event. But I have some really bad news for Mr. Sparks, his The Wedding novel is 100% a romance.

New memoir site

I migrated the website for my memoir today.  Learning new skills keeps the brain engaged and I must admit it was a lot of fun to work on Blogspot through Google Chrome. I wasn’t planning to upgrade that website until the fall but I was motivated today. I’m happy with how it looks and how easy it is to update.

I should probably go through and read all of it since the text was originally posted a few years ago.  There’s sure to be glitches that didn’t work right with the cut-n-paste process. My writing style and voice have changed and I will probably want to rewrite a lot of it. But I’m in fiction mode this month, with a self imposed deadline, and will only allow wedding related interruptions.

Tess Gerritsen’s post today about Writers Who Lie made me cringe. Bogus memoirs become big news. James Frey. Margaret Selzer. Forrest Carter. Norma Khouri. And now Greg Mortenson. At least the events in my memoir are still easy to verify, even if they seem stranger than fiction.

“The reason that fiction is more interesting than any other form of literature, to those who really like to study people, is that in fiction the author can really tell the truth without humiliating himself.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Yep. I also made a run to the library today and have some new authors to explore and some DVD’s to view.

Jupiter aligns with Mars

The 5th Dimension released the single Aquarius/Let the Sunshine in 1969 and I sang it often. Now I find the lyrics so entertaining I sing it even more.

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

Mars and Jupiter are aligned in the skies right now and it’s a week long transit. Mars is associated with war, aggression, and many other topics seldom associated with “peace.” Jupiter symbolizes expansion. It’s an amplifier. This is not a rare transit as it happens every two years, but the news events during this week are a royal wedding followed by the extermination of terrorist. These are global events and a great example of Jupiter-aligns-with-Mars energy though neither will really make a difference in our individual lives. The moon is in the 7th house – every month.

I believe that peace does guide the planets and love steers the stars. It’s a universal dance and we are always in the middle of history as it is being created. So it’s the second half of the song that I really like to sing, especially in the spring.

It’s the age-of-Aquarius and we are living in the 5th dimension. Let the Sunshine in!