A pilot’s wife

A pilot’s wife often has the opportunities for great photo shots whether from the ground or in the skies. Ed and I have been part of an Experimental Aircraft Association chapter the fifteen years we’ve been in Oregon.

One man, Gary, was the heart and soul of this chapter, a professional aviator, mechanic, and trainer. He served as president and vice president of the chapter and submitted monthly articles to the newsletter on his flying adventures, mostly with his wife Martha. An adorable couple, Martha’s adventures now are over as Gary was the passenger of a fatal crash this week.

One thing a pilot’s spouse has is a widow’s list. Pilots, especially experimental pilots, are living their passion. They choose the experimental and light sport craft because they are aware of every rivet and bolt on their airplanes. They prefer to be their own primary mechanic than to trust their life and passion to a paid worker who leaves empty coffee cups in the cockpit.

Pilots always talk with their hands because the stories they tell include maneuvers over tree tops and canyons. Experimental fliers usually walk away from a crash and then rebuild their craft, more than once.  Fatalities in experimental aircraft are very rare, but they do happen.

Years ago, a large group of us were at a fly-in/camp-out at a coastal airport. This airport is a large, cleared space of rough grass with a long paved strip on one side and campsites in the trees on the other side. There’s no “tower” and the campsites feature a picnic table and a fire pit with a grill cover. The airport facilities include one spigot for running water next to a port-a-pottie. A state run campground is only a half mile walk and the Pacific ocean is a short hike over the dunes. The approach for landing airplanes is over Nehalem Bay.

The fly-in/camp out was an annual event and one year my friend and I took a survey of the 30 or more couples/families attending to see if there were any astrological aspects that related to pilots. What we learned was pilots span the spectrum of the four basic elements of astrology. It didn’t seem to matter if their sun sign was earth, air, fire, or water. Every element was represented as having a passion to fly in the sky. But, all the pilot’s spouses were either earth or air signs. This means a pilot has a partner in the skies, or someone to keep them grounded to the earth.

I think Martha represented the air element, and Gary was a fire sign. He was a leader, known among his friends as “Mr. Pilot” as general aviation was the whole focus of his career and his passion. He gave workshops on center-of-gravity, air-density-altitude, and every aspect of safety in the skies and aircraft maintenance. He was a stickler for details and the nicest, most soft spoken gentleman I’ve had the privilege to know. He always greeted me with a sincere and warm hug. Martha was always the delightful and cuddly woman standing at his side.

Gary was only 61. As the passenger, he knew the moment the pilot of the aircraft made the fatal mistake. Gary did not live to tell the tale. And now Martha will be implementing her widow’s list, whatever may be on it. And as I only saw her at annual fly-in events, the last time I see her will probably be at Gary’s memorial service.

Some people only come into our lives for sporadic events or a short space of time. But their purpose to our lives has made a difference even when we are just a face in the crowd of their life.

Thank you, Gary and Martha.

High Flight Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds – and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of – wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air. Up, up the long delirious, burning blue, I’ve topped the windswept heights with easy grace Where never lark, or even eagle flew - And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod The high untresspassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee No 412 squadron, RCAF Killed 11 December 1941

Motivating women to lead

This article is being shared across my networks and as a mother of four professional women, this topic is dear to me. The initial reactions I’ve seen is that being told they can’t have it all is depressing to women, even if being a CEO, or dean, or political leader, was not a personal goal.

I first saw Shannon’s summary, then I read the article and watched the TED.com talk by Sheryl Sandberg.

The article by Anne-Marie Slaughter is 22 pages and has promising points, and offers innovative examples of work-life-balance policies that are being implemented around the world and across industries.

The author admits that the cross section of women leaders referenced are blessed with GOOD; health, talents, relationships, financial status, education, drive – and still are not achieving it all.  ALL, in this case, is the stellar career of choice and a family as blessed as themselves. The statistics cited relate to how the top level leadership in governments and businesses is still 85 to 97% male and the majority of these men have families. But about half of those 3 to 15% of female leaders do not have children.

While the tone of the article and talk feels like these are miserable statistics, I think it’s awesome. My parents generation may have seen militant feminists entering the workplace as an infiltrate-and-destroy-the-fabric-of-society scenario.  But that didn’t happen. Instead, those early trailblazers gained positions of leadership by doing business as usual, only better.

These new women leaders, few though they may be, have done it their way as intelligent and motivated women, not as “the softer side” or with an “I’m better than you” agenda. I think we’re in the beginning stages of equal opportunities and business cooperation that is being defined by more variables than the gender of the elite leaders. The subtext message of the article is the importance of life partners, who support career goals and share family duties, instead of the having-it-ALL fiction as an individual woman.

Leadership is a talent possessed by a few to bring innovation and success to the many. Expecting leadership equality to only be achieved when it is reflected by a 50-50  gender split, at the highest levels of power, is distracting from the opportunities and achievements taking place in the trenches.

At a grass roots levels, the equal pay-respect-opportunities-regardless-of-gender-or-race is growing. Humanity is evolving from the ground up, even if that’s not evident from the top down.

In a perfect world, all citizens will be leaders of their own lives and apply their energy to their passions. Everyone will have financial freedom with no issues of race, gender, sexual preferences, or religious affiliations. Those are old school challenges and conflicts. It is time for new goals and methods.

Some solutions presented in Ms. Slaughter’s article are:

• Make School Schedules Match Work Schedules for a better career-family balance. Increase flex and work from home options so the working parent can schedule work time around family activities.
• Family time should be protected and observed with the same dedication as Jews observe the Sabbath. A whole day each week unplugged for family fun.
• The time and effort a coworker spends as a parent should get the same respect as the time and effort a coworker spends training to run marathons.
• Studies and statistics suggest: “Organizations with more extensive work-family policies have higher perceived firm-level performance.” (This is perceived to attract greater talent and improve stock value. My summary.)

The article is packed full of advice and examples for women to plan their careers around being a parent, even to delay taking positions of leadership after the children leave home. There also is acknowledgement that many working women do not have ALL the resources or drive to be leaders. But those that do now have more substantial direction and examples than the jingle from my childhood when career choices for women were secretary, teacher, or nurse.

I’m pretty sure the jingle referred to a new brand of cigarettes with pretty flowers on the filter: “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let him forget he’s a man…”

The primary point women need to determine in their pursuit of happiness in career and home is:

Their personal definition of ALL  - and then go for it.

Sisters and Stories

Me, Rose and Sharon in 2007

This sisters picture is from June of 2007, the first night we arrived in Warm Springs, Georgia. We were there to tour the Roosevelt Foundation where our mom was in 1960. Sharon and I had traveled from Oregon together and Rose arrived from Ohio. It was a Sunday and no alcohol is served or sold in Warm Spring, Georgia on a Sunday.

It is acceptable to drink wine in public on Sundays but we had to bring our own bottle to the restaurant, which was a bit of a challenge as there was no place to purchase wine. I won’t say where we got that bottle as we did pay for it, and it was a Sunday.  Residents of this cozy and historic town were very friendly.

Today I chatted with Rose and we began discussing stories about our paternal grandparents. As a high school English & Writing teacher, Rose plans to spend the summer getting all her personal writing projects organized. She writes memoir poetry and the details of our family histories are her pleasure.

As we discussed our grandmother, who was a widow with six children in 1928, when our dad was four-years-old, we agreed that Grandma Angela was a strong woman with powerful secrets. However, Rose and I had heard conflicting stories about our grandfather’s death and neither of us are sure of the accuracy or origination of the secrets we knew.

She heard it was a flu, I heard it was a heart attack. She heard he came home from work and went to bed and was dead by morning. I heard he came home from work and went downstairs to his whiskey still in the basement, during prohibition, and died there. It might not have been whiskey he was stillin’ in the basement, and there’s some question whether what attacked his heart was internal or external. It’s possible there was no still in the basement and he died in his sleep from influenza as that was a common way to die. Rose will be researching which story is more probable.

One memory about our grandmother we agree was true is her statement about a babies birth. At my daughter’s baptism, Grandma Angela was in her late 80′s when she stated, “The first one comes any time, all the rest take nine months.” Her youngest daughter was very surprised and almost yelled, “You never told me that!” We all had a good laugh.

My sister Sharon has as much birth and death data as is available on our ancestors and she has studied the astrological aspects of our past and present generations.  She worked avidly on this information a few years ago but hasn’t recently. What she found was a lot of recurring themes, dates, and planetary aspects that is a bit spooky.

There is no plan for the three of us to gather all our information together as it’s more fascinating to do our own thing and muse and chat and go off on our own tangents. We all have our own memories that are part of our understanding of who we are. It’s not necessary for us to all agree on one truth.

It’s more important for us to gather to chat with a bottle of wine.

Where ideas come from

I once worked with a man who had ridden every roller coaster in the world and planned his vacations to be one of the first to ride a new design. He enjoyed other adventures, like sky diving and flying an airplane, but riding roller coasters was his passion.

I created a character modeled on this man and my critique partners really like him. What makes the man interesting is that these are colorful activities but he is not a daredevil. Professionally, he writes computer codes and manages a team of technical gurus. Spiritually, he believes in the energetic connection, on a molecular level, of all things from plants to astronauts. He’s a very clear example of how we all need to have three dimensions to our character.

I copied this picture from Rachelle Gardner’s blog because it feels like the perfect metaphor of this current stage of my life. My astrologer sister assures me I’m on my life track but it is a wild ride. Sometimes I’m flying high, or speeding low, or on my head, or twisting to see all sides of the scenery.

A roller coaster is only one place where authors get their ideas.

I used to do webbit tours on this blog. These were posts riddled with links that did not follow any rhyme or reason but showcased cool stuff I’d learned doing research around the web. I can’t remember when I last encouraged my readers to spiral down the webbit hole, but between the new moon, the summer solstice, and a bunch of other stellar encouragements to begin a new phase, here’s some fun links to click that will take you into the world of ideas.

First stop: Mike Perry’s post so we can all be thankful we don’t live in China where search words are blocked to prevent the spread of information.

Wander through Shannon’s Simply Luxurious Life site and her Life lessons learned from Sex and the City.

Consider the appeal of Cozy Mysteries as Paty Jager explains that plot and character development matter while the horror and gore are not on the page. Or learn about farm life details and cutting alfalfa.

Finally: Hop over to Trish and Rob’s other Wyrdness post for a ton of links on the history of the word Pronoia “the suspicion the Universe is a conspiracy on your behalf” which is the direct opposite of paranoia.

The truth about living life, in my opinion, is we are all somewhere within the space between one extreme or the other. It’s a beautiful place to be.

That ’70′s theme

Morgan with Mark & Delilah Marvelle

My business partner Morgan celebrated a milestone birthday and her friends decided her party needed a ’70′s theme. For me, it wasn’t that big a stretch to arrive in a 1970′s costume; jeans, a loose and colorful shirt, like the peasant blouses I wore in college and still do, and dangling earrings.

Morgan went all out with the biggest Afro I’ve seen in decades and a boldly patterned double-knit dress. Delilah Marvelle, as one of the party planners, is all about the 1870′s and she and her husband were a dashing couple!

There were a lot of delights at the party and great food. But there was also some poignant discontents. This is what I have labeled my personal feeling of a story or truth that’s just out of reach. Fortunately one was solved when  I saw this post by my friend Su Lute that explores the concept:

If I was a twenty-something in today’s world, what would I look like? What story would I be telling?

This generated a thought provoking comment by Maggie Jaimeson:

In some ways, I think who we are in High School (or want to be) is our true self. It is the time that you separate from parents and make a determination of what your independent identity is or will be. That identity is formed from passion and belief (at least in my case) that you can do anything if you only care enough and invest enough time and energy in it. That identity is formed before we fully become adults and begin that long process of giving up parts of ourselves in order to fit in, get a job, maintain a marriage, or just get along more effectively in a social or political environment.

The synchronicity for me is that I recently wrote a scene in my current work-in-process where the characters discuss this high school identity as being the foundation of who they aspire to be, and assess how true to that identity they have remained ten years later.

My high school and college years were during the 1970′s and a lot of my energy  was focused on singing, dancing, and musical theater productions. Whenever I crank the music up and dance I feel recharged, even if it’s alone at home or sitting in the audience instead of on stage.

While I’m not nostalgic for those days, I do love remembering them. This means it’s time to take the Celtic Harpestry collection out of my CD player and crank up the BeeGee’s. We should be dancin’ – man…

Agents and Writers

Rachelle Gardner posted a list of 13 points writers need to know about agents. It’s a good list, and sparked a lot of comments. One of the greatest benefits writers have gained from social media is the amount of information now available from agents and editors.

However, I posted a comment to her question:

What are some things agents may not know about writers?

My list also became 13 points and garnered a variety of comments. So here’s my list:

What agents need to remember about writers:
1. We don’t want to be agents.
2. Most of us are not editors.
3. Few of us grasp marketing or are comfortable in public.
4. We put in tons of hours and still have to get our paychecks doing something not writing related.
5. Contracts make our eyes cross.
6. We’d rather be reading.
7. We don’t understand why everyone is not totally enthralled with reading.
8. We don’t want to read everything published by a publisher we’d like as our publisher to determine how to write for that publisher.
9. We love our stories and want to share them. We know this is not a career path to be in for the money.
10. We know there are easier ways to make money so we write for the love of the story.
11. As writers, we totally “GET” the business model of publishing has many layers and we really don’t want to deal with that, so we accept pennies on the price of books sold.
12. We’d rather go to the movies.
13. Our writing career doesn’t keep us awake at night, our stories do.

Do you agree?

What would you add to this list?

Lifestyle choice

Sunrise in eastern Oregon

Ed and I vacation where the weather is great for all type of outdoor activities. We bought property there in 2008 and now have lots of friends for impromptu pot luck dinners. Plans are sort of transient and random, with who is in town for the weekend, which adds to the fun.

Wi-Fi is marginal but I take an hour or two, every other day, to scan through my online connections. I do this to relax and know that I will not return to a deluge I’d rather avoid.

I love to unplug and kayak, ride my bike and pay attention to birds, clouds, breezes. It’s awesome to get off social media and engage in conversations with friends who are passionate about laughter and fun. I also read novels.

It’s funny how reading novels is such a big deal for those that write them, but it’s easy to get caught up in deadlines, and the business of writing, and forget the magic that only comes from reading.

Lifestyle choice often refers to rural vs. urban locations but is really about what makes life worth living. Confusion begins when the what I have or what I do or where I live defines a lifestyle choice. A good lifestyle is built on solid foundations interlaced with dreams of who I am.

While sitting in our camper this week, I read a short story I wrote back in 2003, when I was angry and unaware of the LIFESTYLE I had entered. Then I  read a workshop exercise from 2008 that was my 5-year-goal-plan. Life experiences during those five years had transformed my understanding of gratitude and compassion. These two pieces of my personal history revealed not only my motivation to risk the investment in a vacation spot, but that I am closer to my 2013 writing career goals than I could have imagined.

I’m happy to be in the trenches of my journey to live life with style. I’ve tasted personal success a time or two. I’m blessed with an ancestry of amazing men and women who were grounded in their daily dietary requirements and lifestyle routines but also had a fire in their belly and their head in the clouds.

Their legacy has paved the way for me to be a warrior for a stellar crock pot or new skin care routine. I treasure hugs. Bliss is fleeting but oh-so-cool to taste.