Hunger and Games

Everything on this table was a delight to savor. It’s a bonus to have a professional chef in our family!

The baby shower for grandbaby # 3 (it’s a girl!) was on Saturday and it was an awesome party. I’m still adjusting to this generational shift from being the host of family parties to attending them at my daughters homes.  My sisters and I have discussed, as the “Baby Boomer” generation, how our expectations and roles in the family as grandparents are very different than our ancestors examples. And our children have taken family celebrations to a new level of awesomeness that do our ancestors proud.

I’ve finally read all three books of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and it’s a Really Well Done Trilogy. The ending made reading the stories worth the journey.

Not Sushi – it’s layers of gummy candy and super sweet and chewy. Ed’s face, when he popped that “Sushi Candy” in his mouth was awesome. Two chews and he had to spit it out. LOL!

These books will be used as examples for a workshop at a conference I’ll be attending this weekend in Canon Beach, Oregon.  I know Jessica Morrell’s workshop will be more relevant now, on many levels. She’s been one of my writing mentors this past decade, and a tough teacher.

My resistance to reading this YA dystopian trilogy was because it represents a fearful  future that flavored my childhood, and is a metaphor for what still flavors humanity today.

Hint: Sharp teeth to cut the nipple hole bigger is a plus. And squeeze the bottle for a stronger stream…

That’s why my attention is spent on the delights and desires of being human, and all the power and grace and mystery that journey entails! Like Baby Showers and trying to drink beer through the nipple of a baby bottle.

Or making gummy candy treats that look like sushi and really surprise old-guys who don’t wear their glasses and are expecting a sushi experience when they pop a gummy candy treat in their mouth.

The guys put beer in their bottles. The girls won with water.

There was also a “onesie” game at the Baby Shower, and many beer pong games.  Baby showers are a big deal. Weddings are too. I’m also an advocate for Birthday Parties, Family Celebrations, and games where children develop teamwork skills.

Neighborhood parties and happy potential futures for my daughters and grandchildren are required, and I refuse to consider any other option.  Argue with me at your peril. I am fully armed for this battle. My weapon of choice is the written word, and I’ll shoot my arrows of Happily Ever After with even more determination.

My passion will always be that I refine what I have lived and learned into something of value to to empower joy and abundance. That “happily ever after” warm and fuzzy feeling prior to The End of a romance novel is the fallacy, the fiction. The bigger story is always yet to be written and while babies are not required, they sure are cute when they are sleeping.

Fun in the Sun

Laughlin from the River

The final days of our winter retreat to warmer climes last week did provide some warmth and rest. We spent them in Laughlin, NV.

Davis Dam

It’s a casino town on the Colorado River by the Davis Dam and a destination for Snowbirds – which refers to retirees who go south for the winter, usually in transient homes like 5th-wheel trailers or campers. The more affluent snowbirds will own condos or homes in desert communities that are only used when the weather is mild from October to March. This means there is no off-season as the summer months are busy with surrounding recreation at Lake Mead and Lake Mohave.

The Colorado Belle looks like a riverboat inside and out but was not built to be on the water. It’s a Faux Yacht.

While I adored the whole Laughlin experience, and the great friends we were with, and the wonderful meals we shared, every time I looked at the name of the town I kept thinking of a silly show from my childhood called, “Laugh In.”

Laughlin, NV is a desert oasis resort I recommend and will return to as a remedy for winter blues. It’s got a unique flavor that blends into a tiny reflection of the Lucky Luxury of Las Vegas and the tropical atmosphere of Honolulu, with dashes of rugged American history and industrial innovation. This is why I think of “Laugh In”, a random variety show that was a mash-up of culture and color for easy entertainment.

The Snowbird-retiree lifestyle has been promoted to me as much as the Work-From-the-Beach lifestyle is advertised by the latest technology product. Laughlin-”Laugh In” sort of calls to me as a siren song of Be Free and Wild. Yet it quickly fades with, yeah, but what would I do next week?

Dis-attachment is the message from some residents within the acres upon acres of RV parks in Nevada. They are people seeking disconnection. Many have no permanent home address and are deliberately off-the-grid, content in their isolation, and proud of their plan of survival. This lifestyle fascinates me because it is so alien to me. I’m all about being connected to home and family even if it means paying utility bills and taxes.

There is a big difference between surviving and thriving. Thriving requires innovation, change, and growth. That relates to another delight in Laughlin, NV – the automobile museum.

Regardless of our opinion on the use of fossil fuel, cars are part of our culture. They were the latest technology in their time and they are now art. Call it industrial art – it was innovation, baby. And 90 years later it is both nostalgic, fascinating and shiny.

Laughlin, NV is only 90 miles south of Las Vegas and it wasn’t until Ed told his mom about our trip that we learned his parents had also stayed there and preferred it to Vegas though it was many years ago.

On our final day of vacation we  took the river cruise.

And now we are back in Oregon though some of our luggage is still in transit, in the back of our friend’s truck. Be warned that if you book a flight on Spirit Airlines there is a $50 charge for carry on bags that do not fit under the seat. The additional $100 required was only posted at the airport and a surprise but as that was the only glitch to the whole trip, oh well. We’re glad we didn’t have to pay it twice though the clothes in the suitcases may be a bit ripe by the time I get them into the washing machine…

The Dam and Route 66

Nevada – Arizona

Our winter retreat to warmth and sunshine last week included a visit to the Hoover Dam, one of the greatest marvels of engineering and American innovation. I can now add two states to my list of places I’ve visited. Ed has been to every state in the U.S. except Arkansas but I wasn’t the road warrior during those years.

We toured the Grand Coulee Dam a few years ago but the Hoover Dam is a bit more impressive.

The bridge spans a deep canyon. Ed’s wearing his Portland Trailblazer shirt so I’ll send a copy of this picture to their Fan Site.

The new bridge is a recent engineering marvel and almost 900 feet above the Colorado River, which intimidates even pilots. We took one look at the suspended arc, another look at the depth of the canyon, and agreed neither of us would willingly cross that bridge. Of course we did, by mistake the next day, but fortunately the builders considered height phobias and included tall walls on each side to block the line of sight at the height. Phew! We made it. It isn’t a long bridge. An hour later we met our friends as planned and new adventures began.

Route 66 – where road trips begin

Route 66 is not the best maintained road in our country but its history is full of adventure stories.

We found it. We had a GPS, and three phones with map-apps, and only after the adventure did we check a map and see why we got lost and drove so far off our route. But we had a great day!

Our destination was a “heard-of” town called Oatman where the wild burros in the hills come to town during the day. We had limited information but in the desert there aren’t that many roads to choose.

We were greeted as we pulled into town.
Burros are not shy after a decade of being hand fed.

Our friends Louis and Karen with Ed

Karen loved hand feeding the burros and learned the locals had names for all of the regulars. One of them kept close until he (she?) was able to nab the bag of Alfalfa cubes.

Ed and Louis were pleased to find a new logo for briefs.

There’s more than local craftsmen and burros in Oatman, AZ. It’s considered a ghost town now but we didn’t see any spectral beings.

When there is no mist, Arizona is spectacular with craggy peaks and painted canyons.

We were led to check out Jackass Junction and the local bar and grill to discover some interesting wall paper.

I’ll let the pictures tell the story….

The estimate of dollar bills is about $80,000

We left town at dusk and continued on Route 66 with no idea we were going the long way home!

The road continued and we expected we were doing a loop back to maintained roads. But first we arrived here, at the highest point in Arizona on Route 66. A lot of people and pets are represented here.
It was easy to determine that these are memorials, not graves.

Viva Las Vegas, Baby!

Las Vegas is the sandbox/playground for adults and a very reasonable tourist destination for people like Ed and I who don’t gamble or drink. We spent a day wandering around the world for our first stop on our winter retreat last week.

The base of the Eiffel Tower within the streets of Paris

Venice Marketplace – including indoor clouds and canals

The weather was a bit warmer than our Oregon winter but the mist and clouds that day were very familiar though oddly rare according to the locals. We didn’t mind the mist one bit and it was a relief not to worry about sun burn.

Outside the Eiffel Tower hotel and casino is when Ed was asked to take a picture of four lovely young women and it was nostalgic for us as they were sisters. Three even had dark hair and the forth was a blond – just like our four girls. Taking the picture of the four sisters had a circle-of-life feel. We began as a couple, and now are again.

Ed and I have not been to Venice, yet, but we were able to get out of the misty streets of Las Vegas and wander along Venetian styled canals – complete with Gondoliers serenading the passengers – and through a representation of an outdoor marketplace.

The sky and cloud painted high ceiling really made it feel like a summer day. The aromas were mouth watering and this hotel-casino is on our list as a place to stay when we return to this desert oasis.

Lady Liberty in the desert

We have been to New York City many times and were amused to see a magical castle in place of Ellis Island, and a roller coaster instead of the bridges. NYC’s city streets (inside the NY/NY hotel-casino) had the flavor of an earlier time than our memories from the past few decades. We could have wandered those streets all day.

But there were gardens to enjoy and Grecian Statues to admire.

We also loved the dolphins, waterfalls and fountains – some even danced to the music.

Outside the Bellagio – dancing to Luck Be A Lady by Frank Sinatra

We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel, which lived up to its name with loud music and memorabilia that included spangly outfits and smashed guitars. Every dynamic entertainer was represented in life size displays and actual costumes. The casino is always open and players were always present, even on a Thursday afternoon in January.

However, the real highlight of our one day-night in Vegas was directly across the street from our hotel – The Hofrbrauhaus – a traditional German beer hall where we not only enjoyed the foods but the music.

Hofbrauhaus – The German Beer Hall

This was very nostalgic for us as we attended The Hofbrauhaus in Cleveland, Ohio, on many weekends when we were dating. The first song played, as we took our seat at the long tables, was performed exactly as we remembered.

Dressed in traditional Bavarian apparel (Dirndl), the staff paused from serving steins full of beer to participate in The Chicken Dance that has somehow become an Oktoberfest requirement – at least in America. The lead singer of the band shared that this song & dance is no longer performed in Austria or Switzerland and has been replaced by The Macarena and other group dances.

This was my first trip to Las Vegas and it was an utter delight for me. I’ll be watching for package deals for winter-weekday specials in the years ahead. I’d hate to be there during the busy seasons but the variety of international flavor, only a two hour flight from our dreary Oregon winter, is nicely condensed. There was nothing dreary or shabby about the Las Vegas I tasted.

Little Red Riding Hood Penny Slots

We did gamble a bit and lost about seven dollars.  This picture is to prove I played the slots as I promised my friends I would. I stuck with the penny and nickel wagers and only played the machines that appealed to me for personal reasons. Like Lil Red and her wolf reminded me of my friend Gina, who knows a thing or two about playing the slots. I’ll have to ask her for insights before I try again.

Merry Christmas

Let the festivities begin! We are excited.

On Christmas morning, our four-year-old grandson will wake up to the magic of a Santa filled stocking. In Our Living Room.

Kiernan, age 3

I haven’t made holiday cookies, we didn’t put up a tree though the favorite decorations are on display. Ed and I expected a quiet repeat of the Christmas mornings where we have coffee and exchange gifts, then we occupy ourselves until whatever plans for the day begin.

Four-years-old is the perfect age to experience the magic of Santa and his elves.

We’re going to have fun with this.

May Your Holidays Be Magical!

The 12-1-12 Wedding

The Bridal Party for this stunning and delightful event!

It was a beautiful day with sun breaks and showers.  I handed my camera to friends and they got some great shots for me.

A darling flower girl, a ring bearer, and the special attendant Hannah: for Tat, the K-9 of Honor

The flower girl, ring bearer, K-9 of honor and her attendant, are not included in the above picture but they made the early afternoon ceremony even more delightful.

When the Bride and Groom were introduced at the end of the ceremony, and the applause rose, above that  sound was their dog Tat, barking her approval from the corner of the room.

Tat is now sleeping quietly in the corner of our living room as the Bride and Groom are on their honeymoon. Tat loves visiting our home as it is surrounded by all kinds of trees and fascinating animal scents.  She’ll probably rest another day, as there has been so much excitement in her home for weeks. And they’ve only been in their new home for two months.

The whole wedding day was flavored with fun and almost all of my “oh shit kit” was left untouched. It will be a few weeks before we have the professional photos, but there are a variety already posted and being shared through FaceBook.

Trisha “Fire-Fingers” Fairman and me.

The music at the wedding ceremony was provided by my niece Trisha, known as Fire-Fingers-Fairman of the band Whiskey Mile.

Ed escorted his youngest daughter down the aisle with a smile.

She captured his heart at birth and has been a ray of sunshine every day.

He had a private message for the bride and groom that he expanded into a toast later at the reception. She’s always been a ray of sunshine in Ed’s life and now that she’s found a wonderful man to share her life, the sun will always shine for them. Ed’s words brought a tear to many eyes, though we were also smiling.

Almost 200 guests attended the ceremony and following reception. There were fun puzzles and decks of cards on the elegantly draped tables. All the chairs were covered in white, with large blue bows that matched the guys vests and girls dresses. It was the most elaborate and elegant wedding I’ve attended in years, and worth the anticipation! The reception began around 3:00 pm and there were a few dozen guests still dancing when the Bride and Groom left at 10:00 pm. There were four separate menus for the day; beginning with snacks, followed by a plated meal, the wedding cake and desserts, and later an array of cheese/crackers/meats/chips and salsa.

Father-Daughter dance.

The music was provided by The Ben Rice Band and they did an awesome job of entertaining without overpowering during dinner. They played a variety of songs for waltzing, and many rowdy and traditional wedding songs.

The bride chose a special song for the father-daughter waltz, only letting her dad know it was a Frank Sinatra song. Ed was surprised when the music began and it was a recording of Frank singing Love & Marriage, which is the theme song for the TV sit-com Ed still likes to watch, “Married With Children.” Ed had a tough time dancing a waltz to that tune.

Later in the evening Trisha played with the band so we got a taste of those “fire-fingers,” as the music at the ceremony earlier was more sedate. I actually felt inspired to dance an Irish Jig, for almost a whole 30 seconds. My high healed dancing shoes spent most of the hours under my chair… When the majority of guests were gone, the band let loose some more. The bride sang a song then stage dove into “the Crowd” who caught her easily.

The cake was a three tiered, and three flavored, Papa Haydn creation.

The cake topper has the bride standing on a suitcase. The groom is 6’4″ and the bride is wearing 6 inch heals. 

These are locally famous as the best of the best cakes. It totally made amends for what many considered a “food foul” served as part of the plated meal. Considering the extensive arrangements – one party foul is pretty good!

Of course there were some glitches – what wedding is without them?

All the men got ready together and expected to have only a short drive to the ceremony. They weren’t supposed to arrive early. But they were delayed  for fifteen minutes by a long funeral procession, so arrived late.

The official wedding documents were left at home so had to be retrieved, after the ceremony, for signatures. The flower girl had a meltdown halfway down the aisle and “mom” had to scurry along beside her, shaking flower petals and trying to stay out of the pictures. All fun stories to tell for decades.

The wedding of the year is done and the marriage of these newlyweds has now begun. My astrologer sister has assigned the “birth time” of their marriage to the moment of their first kiss as man and wife. She predicts a long life for this marriage with many fortunate aspects.

But we don’t need to look to the stars to see good fortune for the bride and groom, it also shines from their eyes.

And now they are a family! 12-1-12

They make a cute family, don’t they? Taken at their Engagement Party -January 8, 2012

Traditions Revisited

Winter Wonderland feel in balmy Oregon

I snapped this picture of the room before the party began because the pristine simplicity and elegance was just too cool.

There are stories behind the color choices, decorations, and the chair covers (2nd use). There’s a story about the tile work of the fireplace and fascinating details in every room of my sister’s historic home. We gave tours to first time visitors, but we were there to party.

The Bridal Showering of Gifts for my generation was flavored with kitchen supplies; dishes, cutlery, pans, or bath towels, bedroom linens, and household decor. This generation of brides have lived on their own and are combing two households so there was only one whisk and one apron.

first gift with the cardinal design

The first six gifts opened were (not-planned-between-family-members) coordinating pieces of  Lenox china with the Cardinal design. This a sentimental treasury for the bride and her almost tearful reaction touched everyone. These gifts were not in her bridal registry but the Cardinal represents my mom, her grandmother, and the matching lamp has been part of my holiday decor for the past seven years.

The rest of the gifts were more personal to the bride and her life today, like the rubber boots to wear on the wedding day if it’s muddy. There were bathing suits and dresses to wear on her honeymoon, lots of pretty lingerie, and a few items better left unmentioned.

The boots she’ll wear under her wedding dress if it is rainy and muddy that day.

Coach clutch purse

The story behind the final gift of a Coach clutch is my business partner Morgan was at the coast with friends in April and shopped in the Coach outlet store. She had a strong urge to purchase this small and elegant purse but wasn’t sure why other than it was a great price. So she didn’t buy it.

The next day, on their way home, they stopped at the outlet again and she bought it. Morgan did not meet Lyndsay until May. But as soon as Morgan got her invite to this bridal shower, she knew she bought this special purse for Lyndsay to use on her wedding day. It’s the perfect match for her wedding shoes too!

My girls will soon all have different last names…

A few hours later, the evidence of the party was wiped away. The table and chairs will remain until after we all gather for the Thanksgiving Dinner this week.  There will be sixteen.

My girls paused for a “together” picture as this is their last bridal adventure. They all have different last names and their own homes. After this picture they began the new bridal tradition of a bachelorette party.

I’ve seen some pictures posted online of the activities that included a huge limo, and a good time was had by all. When I consider the height of the heels on their shoes, and the alcoholic beverages displayed in the pictures, I’m happy to report there was only one injury. The bride sprained her wrist when she slipped in beer. That’s one story I don’t need to know.

Dancing with my sweetie

My sweetie in 1978, the year we met.

The wedding events are in full swing here with only 8 weeks to go. This evening was the first lesson on ballroom dancing, for the bride and groom and parents. It was tons of fun and we’ve scheduled another lesson for next week.

I’m thrilled the bride and groom wanted to learn to ballroom dance and I hope they don’t let decades pass before they dance again.

Ed and I have only danced together once in the past ten years, maybe twenty, but dancing is how we met. Well, not really.

We met because we hung around with the same crowd in college. When we tracked back all the connections of our activities it was rather amazing that we hadn’t met earlier in our lives. But we did finally meet one spring afternoon outside the campus cafeteria. It still ranks at the top of the list of my most embarrassing moments.

There was a broken Frisbee involved, a variety of babbling on my part, ending with me walking into a wall.  I felt confident I would never see him again but for the next two weeks he kept appearing everywhere I seemed to turn. Part of my babbling included my whole class schedule and favorite hangouts.

We were both attending an annual dinner dance and, since we only lived three miles apart, he offered to give me a ride though he would be leaving early because he was running a 5K in the morning.  There were mix ups and more to this story so we were late. As soon as we arrived we went our separate ways.

A few hours later I was surprised to see he was still there. By then I was willing to leave early with him, but not until we danced together. The band was on a break but he agreed to stay until the next polka as he didn’t do rock-n-roll.

Ed and I had both learned social ballroom dancing in our childhood so as soon as we started dancing together it was like we always had been. And we danced the whole set. And we had that world stopping first kiss during the break, and danced the next set, and it was really late when he took me home. His time for the 5K run that following morning was his worst, ever.

That was the man I danced with tonight. Not the grandfather with a back injury and numb feet from his car accident. And Ed was the energized and enthusiastic dance partner I remembered.

It was fun to learn dance steps with an instructor. We’ve never learned to dance together, we just fit and were in step from the first moment. Decades may have passed but the energy and connection is still there. Ed even called me – his bride.

Next thing…

I should have known, as soon as I publicly post information about a fictional work-in-process that I would be sidelined by life. A funeral. A trip. A taste of every emotion.

Life, the real thing, is worth the research. Stories to come…

Little Air Shows

This past weekend we attended the Madras Airshow which is a very friendly and easy to attend event if you navigate through the massive wilderness east of the Cascade Range in central Oregon.

This yellow StaggerWing is where many of Ed’s friends know to gather and find each other as this plane always gets a prime spot when it attends an aviation event. The man in the chair in the shade of the fuselage is a local legend, Larry, who at 82 is still flying, as he’s been most of his life. I took a few pictures of Larry as he’s had health issues this year and when Larry can no longer fly, he’ll prefer the adventure that awaits after death.

Since the barnstorming days, there’s always been a mystery, adventure, and romance around airplanes. The history of aviation innovation in Oregon includes a small group of men from Eugene in the 1950′s who fought the standardization dictates of the government. As a result, there were a lot of interesting designs present at this little Air Show – which is really more an amazing display of aircraft through time than an aerobatic presentation.

I have no idea what these two planes are, but having them staged next to each other is the perfect example of the evolution of designs, and different types of flying. Pilots tend to favor certain types of planes for the experience in flight. Some planes are designed specific to certain environments, like Alaska.

And others are all about performance and snazzy paint designs.

There were tee shirts, sunglasses, airplane themed crafts, and mini marshmallow launchers to buy. Food vendors offered barbecued meals, Asian specialties, smoothies, and also the standard burgers and hotdogs. One food trailer featured a marionberry cobbler that was  super yummy.

For the less enthusiastic aviators, there were classic cars and monster military machines. A motorcycle stunt team performed on the ground and a variety of aircraft danced to music in the sky, which was only slightly hazed by the Warm Springs forest fire. The winds were favorable and most of the smoke was blown to the west.

  

It’s always fun for me to remember that I’m a town girl with no passion for aviation or cars when I attend events like these. As a young girl I dreamed about spending my days in libraries and my evenings would be devoted to musical theater productions. But it was exciting to step beyond my comfort zone three decades ago because there was this really cute guy, that I met in college, and he was into airplanes.

When I think about that girl, and if I had become all I aspired to be, I would never have been on the flight line when these historic warbirds landed after their performance.

These machines had a different purpose in decades past. There were no simulated wind tunnels or computer generated designs for style and performance. They are slow and loud and are a powerful presence in the sky. I am impressed with the flash and dash of precision stunts, but it is when the decades old engines start to rumble that I become entranced. These machines were designed on paper when the winds aloft were determined by balloons and kites.

I’ve attended all types and sizes of airshows through the years, but it’s the little ones with vintage aircraft that I enjoy the most.

Crazy Cell Sauce

It’s been a wild month and as of today:

I think my 15 year relationship with my cell phone number has ended. Well, I’m sure this won’t be the end of it as the wireless carrier wants $160 from me, in addition to monthly charges.

Here’s the story:  7 years ago, I added 3 more phones/numbers for our girls under the Friends & Family plan. This May, we decided it was time for us to have our own accounts. Before terminating that plan I talked to customer service to verify there would be no hidden fees or cancellation charges.  By July 1st, everyone was in their new plans and I got hit with a $160 cancellation charge.

Why?  In November of 2010, an upgrade of service and equipment for one phone (#4) was assigned to a different number(#3).  Phone #3 changed carriers in June of 2012, so early cancellation fees for the upgrade to phone #4 (in 2010) were charged to my phone (#1) as it was the primary one listed on the account.

My service has been suspended today.

I was told last month that the $160 would automatically be credited to my account this month. I was assured in May that none of this would happen… the whole record of my communication with this carrier shows up every time I call customer service and they pull up account history…

When I chatted with customer service about this, in May, I stated the change was because I would be upgrading my plan soon and adding mobile services. Until now, I’ve barely ever used my cell phone for more than a few texts per week and a few short phone calls per month. Now I’m free to explore whatever mobile options I want.

There’s more crazy sauce and irony around this whole thing but the ridiculousness of it all has given me a headache.

Bubbles and squirt guns

Mr. Pilot, Gary Sparks, A man with a smile

The Celebration of Life memorial for our friend Gary Sparks, who died in an airplane crash on June 28th, was held on Saturday.

There were about 200 attendees in an airplane hangar in Troutdale, OR on the hottest day of this summer. There was a jar of bubbles on every seat and Barbershop Quartet recordings were the music of choice. Gary’s family had arrived from a variety of places, like Texas, and filled the front rows.

Friends from Gary’s years living in Eugene were scattered in the seats but all came together to pay tribute to Gary’s years as part of a Barbershop Quartet and primary player in musical theater productions. I had heard about this part of Gary’s past life, but hadn’t really gotten the flavor until his memorial. He also drew cartoons, and flew helicopters and hang-gliders. Gary had even jumped out of airplanes which is one activity most pilots avoid.

The memorial began with blowing bubbles and revealing Gary’s passion for ice cream. But then there was more, hidden in the stories and memories was a story of a man in search of living life to the full, even if shunned by the leaders and elders of his formative fundamentalist family. Those were his early years, his middle ages included military jobs and musical theater productions. His flying years were defined by his passion for aviation and was represented by the majority of people attending his memorial service.

As a writer, I could hear the deeper backstory of this friend in his sister’s comments about how Gary was never a victim, he was always present in the moment, he held true to his beliefs that he could be happy and make people happy, on his terms. Even his widow Martha was determined to personally express Gary’s devotion to laughter and always feeling lucky to experience the adventures of his life. She was honored to be his partner for decades.

There was determination by every speaker to promote a chuckle or laugh even though it be through tears of loss. The celebration barbecue-pot luck over-loaded almost a dozen tables. Yes, it was a celebration but it was also an opportunity for our individual reassessment – of the worth of living with joy. The story of the day, for those that weren’t paying attention during the years when Gary was alive, was that Gary “got it” and not only lived with joy but was present in it with every student and friend who entered his life.

We left the memorial as the tables and chairs were being loaded into the van. We had another place to be…

The party in process at my sister’s home included seven children, from one to nine years old, celebrating life on a slip-n-slide in the side yard of a historic mansion. The food was also awesome and a new tire swing had been added to the ancient and huge tree in the front yard.

There were only two dozen people at this event, but not one adult had issues with being caught in the crossfire of a child inspired squirt gun fight.  Everyone present was savoring the joy of the moment.

It’s an emotional roller coaster to go from a memorial for a life lived, to the vibrancy of lives in process. But the theme remained – joy and adventure is the objective.

Sky Knights on the Lake

http://www.sky-knights.org/

This picture was taken as I floated in my kayak.

Summer in Oregon is so awesome, short though it may be, it is packed full of events to attend. The buzz over the lake at our weekend place was remote controlled airplanes and our eldest grandson was with us for the fun. All the planes had pontoons for water take-offs and landings. The competition lasted two days with greater challenges to perform, including stunts and speed, spot landings and more.

In the evening, there was a pot-luck-barbecue that included grilled burgers and wieners, and a big bowl of potato salad, but every other choice of side-dish to sample was a delight to the taste buds. Three of the warm side dishes featured bacon and cooked cabbage, including my own contribution – and the pan was scraped clean.

After desserts, we returned to the beach for fun flying and instead of one performance at a time, numerous RC planes were buzzing across the lake, doing loops in the sky and whizzing between the poles. Twilight on a lake shore is always awesome and there was no worry about potential crashes as even if the crafts crashed, the pilots were still standing on the shore holding the control pad.

Ed took one of our friends for an evening flight in his 1946 Piper Cub and since the paint scheme is also yellow with red accents, it was amusing but understandable when one observer thought it was just a big RC plane.

My personal delight, as an insider at these events, is observing the bond of community between people who share a passion. It’s easy to get them to veer away from chatting about their toys and hobbies and revealing their careers and heredity. There’s an equality that is created in clubs and events with a focus on their passion whether it is RC or light sport aircraft. The income, education, race, and even sexual bias dichotomy evaporates when the conversation is all about – whatever – from a sport to a hobby passion.

On our way home from this glorious weekend, our 9-yr-old grandson was replete and content with fun memories and so many stories to tell his friends. That’s what I love the most about summer, seeing through the eyes of a child the wonders available when we play.

A pilot’s wife

A pilot’s wife often has the opportunities for great photo shots whether from the ground or in the skies. Ed and I have been part of an Experimental Aircraft Association chapter the fifteen years we’ve been in Oregon.

One man, Gary, was the heart and soul of this chapter, a professional aviator, mechanic, and trainer. He served as president and vice president of the chapter and submitted monthly articles to the newsletter on his flying adventures, mostly with his wife Martha. An adorable couple, Martha’s adventures now are over as Gary was the passenger of a fatal crash this week.

One thing a pilot’s spouse has is a widow’s list. Pilots, especially experimental pilots, are living their passion. They choose the experimental and light sport craft because they are aware of every rivet and bolt on their airplanes. They prefer to be their own primary mechanic than to trust their life and passion to a paid worker who leaves empty coffee cups in the cockpit.

Pilots always talk with their hands because the stories they tell include maneuvers over tree tops and canyons. Experimental fliers usually walk away from a crash and then rebuild their craft, more than once.  Fatalities in experimental aircraft are very rare, but they do happen.

Years ago, a large group of us were at a fly-in/camp-out at a coastal airport. This airport is a large, cleared space of rough grass with a long paved strip on one side and campsites in the trees on the other side. There’s no “tower” and the campsites feature a picnic table and a fire pit with a grill cover. The airport facilities include one spigot for running water next to a port-a-pottie. A state run campground is only a half mile walk and the Pacific ocean is a short hike over the dunes. The approach for landing airplanes is over Nehalem Bay.

The fly-in/camp out was an annual event and one year my friend and I took a survey of the 30 or more couples/families attending to see if there were any astrological aspects that related to pilots. What we learned was pilots span the spectrum of the four basic elements of astrology. It didn’t seem to matter if their sun sign was earth, air, fire, or water. Every element was represented as having a passion to fly in the sky. But, all the pilot’s spouses were either earth or air signs. This means a pilot has a partner in the skies, or someone to keep them grounded to the earth.

I think Martha represented the air element, and Gary was a fire sign. He was a leader, known among his friends as “Mr. Pilot” as general aviation was the whole focus of his career and his passion. He gave workshops on center-of-gravity, air-density-altitude, and every aspect of safety in the skies and aircraft maintenance. He was a stickler for details and the nicest, most soft spoken gentleman I’ve had the privilege to know. He always greeted me with a sincere and warm hug. Martha was always the delightful and cuddly woman standing at his side.

Gary was only 61. As the passenger, he knew the moment the pilot of the aircraft made the fatal mistake. Gary did not live to tell the tale. And now Martha will be implementing her widow’s list, whatever may be on it. And as I only saw her at annual fly-in events, the last time I see her will probably be at Gary’s memorial service.

Some people only come into our lives for sporadic events or a short space of time. But their purpose to our lives has made a difference even when we are just a face in the crowd of their life.

Thank you, Gary and Martha.

High Flight Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds – and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of – wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air. Up, up the long delirious, burning blue, I’ve topped the windswept heights with easy grace Where never lark, or even eagle flew - And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod The high untresspassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee No 412 squadron, RCAF Killed 11 December 1941

Lifestyle choice

Sunrise in eastern Oregon

Ed and I vacation where the weather is great for all type of outdoor activities. We bought property there in 2008 and now have lots of friends for impromptu pot luck dinners. Plans are sort of transient and random, with who is in town for the weekend, which adds to the fun.

Wi-Fi is marginal but I take an hour or two, every other day, to scan through my online connections. I do this to relax and know that I will not return to a deluge I’d rather avoid.

I love to unplug and kayak, ride my bike and pay attention to birds, clouds, breezes. It’s awesome to get off social media and engage in conversations with friends who are passionate about laughter and fun. I also read novels.

It’s funny how reading novels is such a big deal for those that write them, but it’s easy to get caught up in deadlines, and the business of writing, and forget the magic that only comes from reading.

Lifestyle choice often refers to rural vs. urban locations but is really about what makes life worth living. Confusion begins when the what I have or what I do or where I live defines a lifestyle choice. A good lifestyle is built on solid foundations interlaced with dreams of who I am.

While sitting in our camper this week, I read a short story I wrote back in 2003, when I was angry and unaware of the LIFESTYLE I had entered. Then I  read a workshop exercise from 2008 that was my 5-year-goal-plan. Life experiences during those five years had transformed my understanding of gratitude and compassion. These two pieces of my personal history revealed not only my motivation to risk the investment in a vacation spot, but that I am closer to my 2013 writing career goals than I could have imagined.

I’m happy to be in the trenches of my journey to live life with style. I’ve tasted personal success a time or two. I’m blessed with an ancestry of amazing men and women who were grounded in their daily dietary requirements and lifestyle routines but also had a fire in their belly and their head in the clouds.

Their legacy has paved the way for me to be a warrior for a stellar crock pot or new skin care routine. I treasure hugs. Bliss is fleeting but oh-so-cool to taste.

There is a purpose

The challenge of having four amazing daughters is that I’ve given a lot of advice over the years, some better than others. Any advice stems from who I am at that moment, and the conversation in process.  Here’s a message from my daughter Katelyn:

One thing you told me about relationships that I’ve shared with others is this, “Every relationship is either a lesson or a purpose, there are many lessons, but only one purpose.” Maybe your next article can have that.

I have no idea what we were discussing, or when I tossed out this advice. I’m intimidated that my words are being repeated as – profound. I’d like to take the easy way out and state the purpose always relates to love, connection, and our growth as a person. That’s a good answer. It’s generic and it’s also true for lessons.

But my daughter asked, so:  PURPOSE – to intend, resolve or plan.  LESSON – something to be learned

I assume I meant that the single purpose of a relationship relates to the spiritual intention of being connected to that person. This purpose is framed by the specifics of the relationship; whether it is family, professional, or personal. Except, any relationship is always a dual purpose because there is a requirement of “two” for a relationship.

In fiction, the character purpose is defined by the role they play within the story in relation to the hero; mentor, villain, sidekick, victim, spiritual ideal, lover, jester, etc.  A life story exists on a grander scale. It’s a saga of unwieldy proportion and we can all play these roles for others during the span of our human experience. But again in fiction, there is always an inciting incident and a goal, and the characters will either succeed or fail in their purpose because of the relationship.

Fiction mirrors life except there’s really only one story in process within a specific time frame of the movie or novel. So here’s my example of a single purpose, personal, life relationship:

A grade school friend, called Bobbi, fulfilled her purpose in my life to inspire my sense of adventure and love of creating stories. Our relationship lasted from age 9 to 14. Because of her – I played softball, helped out at a kennel and at dog shows, rode horses. All these experiences included many lessons. She was also my cycling buddy. We rode many miles daily, during the summer. On a bike hike through a park, we came across an old burnt mansion and that day we imagined a ghost story together. I wrote it up but she had lost interest in it. That began my pounding the keyboards phase, it was a manual typewriter. I have no idea what purpose I fulfilled in her life other than temporary sidekick. However, I still love cycling and will always treat dogs as one of my family and make sure they have good manners.

An example of a single family purpose is easier because there are labels for the unique family relationships:  sibling, parent, spouse, child, and with that purpose there is the opportunity for playing many roles through each other’s lives and initiating numerous lessons. I’ve played many roles in my daughters’ lives, from mentor to villain, from friend to jester.

Professional relationships can also have as broad a purpose as business partner, or as specific as mentor, or as fleeting as classmate. I truly believe every relationship we nourish is because there is intention on our part, to do something specific together for our life journey. Everything else is dynamic roles and a variety of lessons to achieve our well being.

Everyone has a purpose and whether we meet our goals or fail is based entirely on our point of view.

Update note: When I saw this article reposted on the Oregon Women’s Report site I realized I forgot to mention, Katelyn as daughter #3 was the one who brought dogs and horses into my life again.

The difference of a decade

Mother’s Day 2002 was a significant circle of life moment for me. Ed took our girls and our two dogs off for an early hike in the mountains so I could have a quiet morning with coffee and the newspaper.

They were barely gone a half hour when the phone rang. It was my sister with the news that our mom had been accepted to Hospice House. Less than half an hour after than conversation, the phone rang and it was my daughter with the news that I would be a grandmother by Thanksgiving.

Later, on that same Mother’s Day ten years ago, Ed and I had a romantic dinner date overlooking the Willamette River. I often remembered that dinner because only four months later the tenor of our marriage changed as a result of a car accident. But yesterday, we had a great meal overlooking the Deschutes River and for many reasons it had a similar circle of life energy for our personal life and marriage.

I’ve put a lot of research and effort into a memoir I’m writing about my parents 57 year marriage – and my mom was a polio quadriplegic for 46 of those years. Ed and I have been married for 31 years and these past ten years our relationship focus was not all about our sex life. So I’ve often been baffled about the gay-straight-marriage issue.

When I saw the above posted on one of my networks it was the “ashamed”  that struck a chord, and the decade reference. I recently learned about the controversial studies by Brene Brown regarding the importance of SHAME. I’ve posted links to this on March 16th and I’m going to review them again as it is fascinating to me.

I’ve known many, through my life, who were in same-sex relationships and until now I never thought about the amount of shame resilience they had mastered. I admire the commitment and understanding of marriage these humans have achieved because they fought for their right to wed. They fought for their right to create the life of their dreams. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are worth fighting for.

There are loud bullies, once again, proclaiming marriage is defined by biological parameters. Really? I think not. There can be significant change, even in our biology, in ten years. As my brother has stated; in seven years every cell in our body has been replaced with a new cell so we truly are entirely different people at a cellular level.

I can’t imagine how my parents or my marriage would have played out through the decades if we had to fight to be married on top of fighting all the other challenges to stay married. I can state that our biology had no impact on any of it.

I’m happy to know the journey to learn about shame will be a good step forward for these bullies on their road to becoming human.

Mom’s Day Gift

You don’t really understand

human nature unless you know

why a child on a merry-go-round

will wave at her parents

every time around,

and why her parents

will always wave back.

- William D. Tammeus  

* modification from his to her made by me – as this mug is my mother’s day gift.

My girls are all represented on this merry-go-round!

A true keepsake and while I intend to use it daily, I’ll probably wash it by hand. Don’t want to lose those images by putting it in the dishwasher. It will survive the same way I did, with a little tender loving care.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Wing Nut vs. Water Rat

There is a phrase in the movie EverAfter where the question is posed, “A bird may love a fish – but where would they live?” I always felt this applies to Ed and I. He’s the wing nut, I’m the water rat.

Ed took this picture from his open cockpit bi-wing airplane. We don’t live there, yet. It’s currently a weekend/summer place for us.

The appeal of the lake is obvious, for me. The horizontal rod in this picture is in line with the landing strip of a small private airpark.  This is the answer to the environment where a bird and a fish can coexist. I could spend the entire day in my kayak, or swimming when the water is warm. He will cut half of the grass, in front of his airplane hangar, then go fly in the sky, then finish the lawn chores later. He prefers his fish in packages from the grocery store.

“I write, he flies.” Is how I’ve explained why someone like me, who is not into airplanes and has vertigo issues, knows so much about aviation. It’s also why I never had issues with the hours Ed spent with his airplanes and pilot buddies. That was golden writing time for me. Plus, pilots are interesting characters. Ed and I usually spend our wedding anniversary at an airshow.

When we returned from our weekend haven today – I saw, “This Post is For the Ones You Love” -by literary agent Rachelle Gardner – in my reader feed. As I read it, I laughed. There are many comparisons between being the spouse of a writer to being the spouse of a private pilot.

To Anyone Who is the “Significant Other” of a Writer:

[Her closing statement.] ”Most writers are smart, passionate, interesting, driven, and eager to share their words with the world. (And yes, okay, a little moody and possibly bi-polar.) Enjoy the fact that they have depth and ambition, and something to say!

And definitely make sure you have your own hobbies, passions and interests.  You’re going to need them.”

Excellent advice for anyone who is in a relationship with someone who is passionate about something. Nurture your own passions.

Also in Rachelle’s post:

These points about writers also apply to hobby pilots – except writing is a whole lot less expensive!

1. You can’t change them. Most writers (pilots) can’t help it—they are what they are. … To try and get them to stop writing (flying) would be like taking away their oxygen. Don’t do this.

4. Speaking of the cost…money is a sensitive topic for a writer.(And pilots as their airplanes need lots of maintenance and repair – you can’t just pull off to the side of the road if the engine sputters.)

7. And it IS work. Paid or not, writing is difficult labor. (Tapping keys on a keyboard may not be as physical as flying an airplane but the mental engagement is the same.)

Pilots and writers are both rare breeds who speak their own language. We thrive in environments foreign, or uncomfortable, to the other.

Ed and I have owned eight single engine aircraft, and five different types of water craft. We’ve moved seven times, have lived on both coasts of the country, and have an amazing family.

But – we’ve had the same bedroom furniture for 32 years. Hmm, everything else has been upgraded…

A Day at the Beach

In honor of a 30th birthday, our girls were all at the beach last weekend. The weather was unseasonably awesome and inspired a handstand competition while they were waiting to savor the sunset on the Pacific.

Since life has a way of tossing us on our heads, I’m thrilled they are so balanced. But what I am most proud of, as a mom, is that they all appreciate each other and are always poised to have fun.

The son-in-laws are glad they have each other to share the blame for whatever these sisters decide to do…

They built sand castles then stomped on them. They flew kites, danced in the waves, buried my grandsons in the sand, rammed each other in bumper cars, and lots of other activities. I wasn’t there but through the magic of the web, I was able to see the pictures as soon as they were posted.

When these girls were young, I was always snapping pictures of them having fun. They were immune to the camera, and camcorder. My intent from1983 and through the 1990′s was to be able to mail photos, and share videos, with their grandparents who didn’t travel. The intent of the moment, decades ago, has become a wonderful treasure now. Those videos are now DVD’s and those pictures filled albums so each has a visual record of their lives.

Earlier today, a friend and I were lamenting how we really didn’t want to be sucked into another online network. Yet, neither of us want to spend a whole week unplugged. I’ve had numerous invitations to join a variety of different networks this week. So I’m aware of this dichotomy of – don’t want to spend more time online – savor the opportunity of being connected to those moments.

I’ve been following the blog of a woman with agoraphobia who  forced herself to tour the country and meet her FaceBook friends, who also suffer from agoraphobia. My mom was a polio quadriplegic and she took every chance to connect with people on the phone or when the opportunity arose, out of the house. I know there is a lesson for me in my current fascination with emotional restrictions in comparison to what I know of physical limitations.

I’ve no idea where this journey will lead me… How cool is that?