2012 the movie

We’d heard this movie was more special effects than story so I wasn’t disappointed.  Actually, the Hollywood schlock machine and tried and true cliches were so obvious, I almost loved this movie.  I will see it again when I can sit in my  home and laugh hysterically without disrupting the audience.   Ed feels the scale is off on the JFK carrier and the White House.

If you want to see this movie and don’t want any spoilers, stop reading now.  Then again, I think every scene in this movie is a redo of other scenes from past movies.  The dialogue even sounded familiar.  The original premise of the sun’s heliosphere expanding I think is the reverse of what’s been reported by science, but, it’s Hollywood!

I’m still laughing that the chick with the enhanced boobs, caught between two watertight doors, somehow is the only one who drowns and discredits the basic mechanics of water-tight.  She could have hooked up with her boob Dr., who obviously needed to be sacrificed for the John Cusack reunion-good-daddy plot.  Or she could have been shown in the final scene with one of the nerds, or as a mother to the villains boys.  She had a lot of potential for a campy finale shot, but alas, sealed in a watertight chamber beneath a grate covered with animal dung, she drowns.

There was so much action and special effects, character types had to be obvious.  Both villains have thick floppy hair, loose jowls and thick lips.  Both nerds wore almost identical glasses; the older always with a sardonic twist to his lips, the younger one has dramatic emotional shifts.

The theater audience chuckled when Danny Glover appeared as the representation of Prez Obama.  His only daughter is the heroine of the primary romance so it’s a good thing she’s older and into art and books.  Because that’s what the hero likes too.  But to have the hero being one of only 500 to have read Cusack’s book, and remember it with all the books he reads, um, really?

Woody Harrelson is great fun as the trickster.  And of course every weekend Dad who takes his kids camping, and encounters an 8ft fence with all kinds of warning signs, immediately encourages the kids to climb it and enter a restricted zone because viewing rotted animals is a good learning experience.  But then, how else would the poor author and the heroic bookworm meet?

The airplane scenes were hilarious too because, the first thing most pilot’s do is climb into the air.  The earth is also crumbling and imploding beneath the airplane so basic physics would assume there is more distance between sinking ground and climbing airplane, but…  There’s also the logistics of the end of the airstrip being so close to extremely tall buildings…

There’s a cute scene with a spiritual teacher and his student, followed by a family matriarch chopping off the head of chicken, followed by a brothers in conflict scene.  Then the sight of elephants and giraffes flying through the air in slings under helicopters, traversing the Himalayas, to enter the arks in the final hour instead of already being in their pens…

Actually, the only thing I found scientifically feasible in regards to the earth-crust-displacement theory is having China appear when they were expecting to ditch the cargo plane into the ocean.

Of course there was a ticking clock, and a Captain Kirk sermon by the hero about what’s the point of living if we lose our humanity.  There was a cute wonder dog rescue scene, and too many more sight gags to mention.

So while I won’t say it’s a must see movie, it really makes all the earth-implosion-doom-stories, tons of fun.  The timing was off for the final song by Idol Star Adam Lambertt.  It would have been better to have that playing already before untouched Africa came into view.

About Terri Patrick
Writer of Romance and Memoir. Life is an adventure, take that journey.

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